


Being Held By You

by Kitathyy



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: 8x03 fix it, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Flashbacks, Forced Marriage, Like, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PTSD flashbacks, Panic Attacks, Past Ramsay Bolton/Theon Greyjoy, Past Sexual Abuse, Poor Theon, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Ramsay is His Own Warning, Ramsay lives, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Idealization, Theon Greyjoy Lives, Vaginal Fingering, im so sorry, kind of, really strong on that one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2020-06-27 13:52:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19792228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitathyy/pseuds/Kitathyy
Summary: Ramsay Bolton was never killed after the Batlle Of The Bastards. Instead of waiting for Jon to come to him, he and the remaining of his men successfully escaped to the Dreadfort. After finding out about his escape, Sansa wanted to go after him an kill him once and for all, but she was convinced to leave him there until after the battle against the dead.What they didn't expect was for him to manage to gather the still remaining loyal houses to the Boltons that produced food, wood and weapons and form a small army for his defence.Theon Greyjoy never died at the battle of Winterfell.Sansa became the queen, but what she will have to sacrifice to be able to feed and protect all the people in the north? Marriage sounds like the only option, but will she put her people in front of herself?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, hello everybody!  
>  This is my very first fanfiction on this site, and my first GoT fic ever, so please, be kind.  
>  I know that it doesn't sound like it, but this is a thramsay fic, with a little bit of Sansay and Theonsa in the middle.  
>  I don't have a beta, so I'm sorry for any mistakes, but english isn't my native language.  
>  This first chapter is like a prologue. Next chapter will hopefully be longer.  
>  Please, tell me what you think :)  
> ;  
> OBS: I know this isn't a very popular ship, but if you don't like it, just leave now, I don't need any hate on the comments :)

There wasn't much time to think. His muscles were sore, even the slightest movement made him clench his jaw in pain. But that wouldn't stop him. Pain stopped bothering him a long time ago, and this pain was nothing compared to what he already endured.  
His men were all dead at his feet, but there was also no time to feel guilty of leading these Ironborn to their death. Theon couldn't afford to do anything else than rotate his body around and put his spear deep inside whichever part of those walkers that he could reach.  
His breathing was coming in shot pants through his mouth ad his knees wouldn't stop trembling, but he couldn't sop. Not until they were all dead. Or until he was.  


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  


''Theon,''  
Theon turned back, looking at Bran. There wasn't any expression in the boy's face, but Theon didn't remember a time he saw any these days. The Night King was right there, what could Bran possibly want?  
''You're a good man,''  
Theon's heart missed a beat. A good man? He was far from it, but why would Bran choose this very moment to-  
''Thank you.''  
Oh. _Oh._ So this was it. Theon took a trembling breath as the meaning of the boy's words finally sank in. His eyes moved around, taking it all in. This place was once his heaven, and then more so, his hell. His only regret was that he would die so far away from the sea. He knew Yara would be okay. He hoped Sansa wouldn't grieve him. He wasn't deserving of her tears.  
He felt one single tear escaping from his eye and he let it. For who he was crying, he wasn't sure. Theon stopped caring about his own life a long time ago.  
**_If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention._**  
Theon gripped his spear harder, and turned around once again, this time facing the unforgiving blue eyes of the Night King. He always thought he would die by another set of blue eyes, but this one was better. Safer.   
Something that resembled nostalgia hit him hard and he nearly gasped. He wished Ramsay could be here to see this. To watch him die as Theon.  
**Who are you really?**  
 **Reek, I'm Reek.**  
 **Until when?**  
 **Always. Forever.**  
Theon took one last breath, and then he ran.  
  
His vision was very clear. The point of his spear pointed at the Night King's heart. The white walkers remaining weren't moving, and the King's blue eyes were on him the entire time.  
Until they weren't. It all happened in seconds. He barely took five steps when he saw those blue eyes move to something behind him. And then his body was thrown back by a hand in the back of his armour. Theon fell hard on the ground, and when he looked around, there were at least fifty men in front of him and Bran, all with their own weapons pointed at the remaining white walkers that now seemed to be surprised and confused as to what to do next.  
Theon looked up to Bran sitting beside him, and he wasn't surprised to find that the boy didn't seem disturbed by the sudden appearance of so many men.  
_Who are they?_  
At last, the King made his decision, and the moment he raised his hands, Theon got up, gripping his spear and standing directly in front of Bran. He was going to die, he knew it. There was no way he could fight like he just had with all those dead men. His body was aching, his muscles tired and his head was pounding. But he would do what needed to be done. No more running. Not ever.  
Theon felt the softest touch of wind on his face, and before the dead could run in their direction, something appeared out of nowhere, from behind the Nigh King's back. The King turned around in time to catch it his one outstretched hand. But it wasn't a thing, it was someone... Theon took two steps to the right to see clearly and-  
_Arya!_  
The girl had jumped on the King's back and she had a dagger on her right hand, but before she could do anything with it, the King's free hand closed around her wrist, and Theon could see the moment when he _squeezed_  
her neck and there was the terrible sound of her trying to breathe through his fist.  
''No! _Arya_!'' Theon screamed as he ran forwards, but yet again, one of the men grabbed him and pushed him back.  
''You are not dying today. Not on my watch.'' The man said with a rough tone;   
''Who are you? Let me go, now!'' Theon snapped, trying once again to get past the man, but the other one standing beside him also held him down.  
Before Theon could say anything else, there was a loud, deafening sound of ice breaking down, and he looked at Arya in time to see her falling hard on the ground, and the Nigh King exploding on little sharp pieces of ice. All of the ones behind him had the same fate, exploding in thin air, while his soldiers simply crumbled to the ground, one after the other.  
The men finally let him go and when they turned around to leave, Theon caught sight of a cross on their chests. He let out a whoosh of breath and fell to his knees, eyes wide while he watched them leave.   
That was definitely the Bolton cross. Theon spent years staring at it, there was no mistake. But why?  
Before he could go over all the reasons why there were Bolton men trying to defend him, a hand touched his cheek and lifted his face. He was staring at Arya, who looked proud and worried.  
''Are you hurt?'' The girl asked softly. Theon could only gather enough strength to shake his head, and then Arya's expression turned into a full-on smirk as she extended her hand and helped him up.  
''Good fight. You killed all of these?'' She asked with a surprised tone.  
''With the help of my men- Arya! You killed him, you- You did it!''  
Arya smiled then, punching him softly on the shoulder.  
''I did, didn't I?''  
''Great work,'' Bran said when they reached him. ''To the both of you.'' Bran then looked at Theon, and his faintly surprised expression was more then Theon had seen in him these past days. ''I saw you die. Those men weren't supposed to be here. Do you know who they were?''  
Theon's mouth parted slightly before he gave Bran a quick shake of his head, hands trembling. The Stark boy stared at him for a moment too long, before nodding as well.  
''It doesn't really matter who they were,'' Arya said, moving behind Bran so that she could push his wheelchair. ''What matters is that you're ok. We are ok.'' She finished with a light squeeze on Bran's left shoulder.  
  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Theon walked through Winterfell's courtyard, trying his best not to step on anyone's dead bodies. His eyes scanned through all of them, desperately trying not to think about seeing a red-haired girl in the middle of them.  
_She wouldn't have left, she knew better than to leave..._  
Theon repeated this to himself until he reached the doors of the crypts. He took a deep breath before entering, scared beyond words of what he would find in there.  
The first thing he saw was dead bodies A lot of dead bodies. His heart was beating out of his chest when he rushed down the stairs, supporting his hands on the walls as to not to fall.  
''Sansa!?'' Theon called, reaching the bottom of the stairs, turning left and-  
''Theon? Theon!'' He felt her before he heard her, her arms were tight around his neck and it took everything for him not to cry of relief as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.  
''You're ok, you're ok,'' Theon whispered, and at that moment he wasn't sure if he was reassuring himself of her. ''You're safe.''  
''Well?''  
Theon let go of Sansa and she stepped away to reveal Tyrion Lannister staring at him, his arms stretched as he asked again.  
''Well then? Is this a goodbye-hug or we won-hug?''  
The rest of the people were coming closer, some of them holding their children tight to their chests, and others holding each other's hands. They all looked so scared.  
''Theon?'' Sansa called, taking his hand. Her whole body was trembling.  
For the first time in he didn't even know how long, the corners of his mouth stretched into a real smile.  
''We won.''

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

''Bolton sigil? Are you sure?''   
Theon took another gulp of wine before answering.  
''Yes, I'm sure they were Bolton's men.''  
Sansa's lips formed a thin line in her face. Her cheeks were slightly red from the wine she had at the celebrations and she was already in her nightgowns, with a heavy fur coat draped over her.  
Theon was sitting at one chair that was moved to be placed at the side of her bed, where she was sat at. He had taken off his armour and was now in simple leather clothing and his gloves.   
''Why would he send them here?,'' Theon asked, his voice trembling. ''You think he's going to try-''  
''No,'' Sansa quickly answered, fetching his hand and squeezing it. ''Did they try to capture you? After Arya killed the Nigh King, did they try anything at all?''  
''No,'' Theon shook his head. ''I-... I didn't, I...''  
''Theon. Breathe,'' Sansa removed her legs from under the blankets and sat face to face with Teon, still holding his hand. '' What is it?''  
''I was going to die, Sansa. I- I was all alone and the Night King was... He was right there.''  
Sansa didn't reply, but she very clearly swallowed and her grip on Theon's hand tightened.  
''They came out of nowhere and pulled me back, they wouldn't let me fight. They... I think that they saved me. I think they only came here to save me.''  
Sansa did let go of his hand now, she stood up and walked around her bed only to stand in front of the fireplace, looking at the flames without saying a word. Theon couldn't see her face from this angle, but the tension on her shoulders was clear.  
''Sans-''  
'' _He_ saved you,'' Sansa said with as much disgust as she could put in a phrase. '' Ramsay saved you.'' She spat out his name like only saying it caused her great distress.   
Theon swallowed before looking down to his own feet. He felt tears start to form in the corners of his eyes and he hated, more than anything, how weak he was.  
''I'm sorry.'' He managed to say, and even so his voice has rough and he stopped talking so he wouldn't burst out in tears.  
Sansa turned around, her eyes wide.  
''You're sor- No, Theon!,'' The girl hushed to his side, kneeling in front of him, holding his face in her hands. ''You have nothing to be sorry about, do you hear me?''  
''He keeps coming back.'' Now Theon was truly crying, his shoulds shaking just like the rest of his body. His lungs seemed to be getting smaller and smaller because he couldn't draw a proper breath, he couldn't breathe.  
''Theon?'' Sansa called, noticing how badly the man was breathing. ''Theon, please breathe, come on, breathe with me,'' Sansa said, her voice unsure.  
''I- I can't... _Sansa_ -,'' Theon choked, curling his body forwards so that he could rest his forehead on Sansa's shoulders. The girl's arms immediately wrapped around Theon's body, one around his shoulders and the other around his waist, resting her hand on his back.

'' _Shhh._.. It's ok Theon, you're ok... _We're_ ok.''

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After Daenerys had left for Dragonstone with her army and the remaining Northmen, Sansa was in charge of the North. She commanded the reconstruction of Winterfell and granted masons to help rebuild the villages close to Winterfell that were also destroyed. They received a raven from South, reporting the death of one of Daenerys dragons.  
Theon remained with Sansa at Winterfell after Daenerys allowed him to stay. The Lords of the other houses that helped in the war also remained in Winterfell, anticipating news of Daenerys victory or defeat to learn what was the future of the North.  
Weeks passed without news, and Sansa worried for her sister and brother in silence while trying to soothe the Lords and help the common people of the north that needed help to rebuild their lives.  
When the news finally came, Sansa almost ripped the paper in half over her anxiety. Jon had written her that Cersei didn't stand a chance. After the death of Rhaegal, Dany became unstoppable. She destroyed Cersei's army in less than three minutes, and her own army could enter the city without further delay. The city surrendered within one hour of combat. Yara Greyjoy had appeared with a hundred ships, that surrounded Euron Greyjoy's fleet and the ships she couldn't take, Daenerys burned after the city's surrender.  
Apparently, Jaime Lannister had returned to the capitol to try and save his sister. Unfortunately for him, Arya Stark got to him first and killed him. Jon seemed confused to describe how Arya had used his face to get to Cersei and kill her.  
When the battle was over, Daenerys was crowned the Queen of the six kingdoms and protector of the realm.   
''Six kingdoms?'' Sansa muttered to herself, rereading to make sure she read it right.   
''Continue,'' Theon said, the only one in the room with her.  
In honour of the many Northmen that died during the battle of Winterfell, and in respect for the history of the biggest of the seven kingdoms, Queen Daenerys declared Sansa of the House Stark the true Queen in the North, having been said that Jon will remain with her in the capitol. Unfortunately, the crowning ceremony for Daenerys has already taken place, but she wishes good fortune for her fellow queen.  
Sansa folded the letter and looked up to Theon with wide eyes.   
''She really- Theon, I am...,''  
Theon smiled as he took out his sword and knelt in front of Sansa, who was now standing with one hand supporting herself on the table and the other hovering over her heart.  
''My Queen. My sword is yours and so is my heart. Long may you reign.''

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sansa thought that walking down through the corridor of men kneeling and wielding their swords would make her nervous. But it didn't. It felt right like she finally found what she had been looking for all this time.  
When she sat down on her throne, she looked at Theon, who was standing beside her, as her Queen's guard. He smiled at her when they placed the crown in her head. Her crown. And she was finally home.  
She would make her parents proud. She would make Robb proud. She would take care of the people in the north like they were her own children and she would keep them safe and happy.  
Whatever it took.

THE QUEEN IN THE NORTH  
 _The queen in the north!_  
 **The Queen in the north.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two!!  
> It is a bit longer than I planned, but since chapter 1 was so small, I guess it's fine  
> Hope you enjoy it!!

The Lords of each house sworn to the Starks that were still gathered in Winterfell asked the Queen for a meeting at first light the day after Sansa's coronation.  
Sansa's dress dragged on the stone floor of Winterfell's hallways as she walked, followed close behind by Theon, who was wearing a grey armour with a wolf head and a crown on its head on the middle.  
''What do you think this is about?'' Theon asked as he followed his queen only a step behind her in a sign of respect.  
''They're probably leaving before the sunsets. I believe this is only formalities.'' Sansa answered, waving her hand in dismissal.  
Theon didn't believe all the lords would call up a meeting only to plead their respects for their new queen, but it wasn't his place to say so, therefore he remained quiet until they reached the castle great hall. All the lords stood up upon Sansa's entrance, and Theon didn't miss the dirty glance a few of them shoot his way.  
''Milords,'' Sansa said, sitting down at the table's head, folding her gloved hands on the table in front of her. ''What may I be of assistance?''  
The men looked between themselves as if afraid of approaching the subject. Theon stood behind Sansa's chair, and he had a very bad feeling about this but kept it to himself.  
''Your Grace,'' Lord Cerwyn finally spoke up. ''Most of our houses don't have provisions for even the next month. All of our men, woman and children came to Winterfell when your brother called, and we are returning home with even fewer men that we had. My point is, it is impossible to feed our families and servants.''  
Sansa straightened her back and looked at the rest of the Lords before answering.  
''I'm sure we can lend some of our provisions to help you until you cultivated enough and restored your families duties.''  
''Your Grace,'' Lord Dustin said ''With all due respect, Winterfell don't have enough supplies for half of our houses. And what you could give us, would only last a few weeks, at best.''  
Sansa briefly looked at Theon before answering.  
''I imagine that you've come here with a solution. One that I suspect that I won't like it very much since you're all so nervous about it,'' Sansa took a deep breath before continuing. ''Well? What do you have in mind? I appreciate any suggestions you might give.''  
Once again there was an extended period of silence between the lords as if they were silently choosing who would be the one to talk. Finally, Lord Robett Glover murmured something similar to 'fucking cowards' and spoke up.  
''Your Grace, clearly there are only two possible ways to settle this matter. Or you negotiate to some great house in the south and put the North in terrible debt...'' Even the man now seemed cautious to continue. ''Or we should discuss marriage with another great house in the north. A house that could provide us with everything we need.''  
Sansa raised her eyebrows and leaned forward, staring at Lord Glover with a blank face. Theon shifted in his place.  
''Another great house? In the north? As I recall you just said the vast majority of the houses don't have enough to feed themselves. How could any of they be of any use?''  
''I am talking about a house that didn't join us in the great war. A house that has made itself stronger in these last years and has a handful of smaller houses sworn to them.''  
The realization hit Theon before Sansa, and the man nearly gasped. He took a step forward, now standing next to Sansa and he could help himself when he hissed through clenched teeth:  
''You cannot be suggesting tha-''  
''You stay in your place, boy,'' Glover got up, pushing his chair back, his fists hitting the wooden surface of the table. ''This is a northern reunion and you shouldn't even be here, even less so daring to speak-''  
''What exactly are you suggesting, Lord Glover?'' Sansa interrupted him, her face still expressionless but the tone of her voice was clearly showing her outrage at the man's words.  
Lord Glover took a deep breath before speaking, still standing and now looking down at his queen.  
''House Bolton is now the richest house in supplies such as foo-''  
Sansa nearly knocked her chair back as she stood, placing her hands on the table and leaning towards the Lords, her face twisted in a mask of anger.  
''You are not suggesting that I should wed Ramsay Bolton.''  
Lord Glover raised his head and crossed his arms over his chest.  
''No, Your Grace, you are already married to Ramsay Bolton in the eyes of the gods. And unless your grace has a better idea about-''  
''You realize how disrespectful you are being, Lord Glover? Suggesting that your queen take a man who abused her in every possible way and that she had to fight to get her own home back-''  
''Your Grace,'' Lord Manderly spoke for the first time. ''Your Military strength is greater than the Boltons. You could defend the north alone but without them, you could not feed us. Hundreds of people will starve to death.''  
Sansa stared at them for a moment too long before finally speaking again, although this time her voice didn't sound quite so sure.  
''Then I'll make a deal with the High Garden. They'll provide us with food and whatever else supplies we may need.''  
The Lords looked at each other, but neither of them seemed convinced.  
''Are you a child!?'' Lord Glover snapped. ''Forgive me Your Grace, but you want to put the North in a debt that might take years to pay? Our men don't have the strength to work twice for a debt that we don't need to have!''  
''Watch your tone, milord,'' Theon said, his hand rested on his sword. ''If I may remind you that this is your queen.''  
Lord Glover seemed ready to throw another insult at Theon, but Sansa interrupted him.  
''You all know what he is. What he did to me and the man standing beside me. And you still want me to go back to being beaten, raped and tortured? You own queen, who fought to have our independence.''  
This time, it was Lord Cerwyn who got up, the man put a hand over his own heart before responding:  
''You are our Queen. Our one true queen and we will all die before letting that man lay his hands on you again,'' Cerwyn moved around the table and stood in front of his queen, kneeling on the floor before her. ''We will have informants here in Winterfell. If he ever does you any harm, we will have our men at the front gates of Winterfell withing one day. But we need him, your grace. We need his help.''  
Sansa looked up at the ceiling and took a deep shuddering breath before answering.  
''You will be here when he arrives and will say these same things you just said to me, to him. We need his provisions, we don't need him, therefore we don't need an heir fr the time being. I will not lay with him until I am ready. If I will ever be ready.''  
Lord Glover seemed ready to discuss this particular subject but Sansa raised her hand and glared at him.  
''Be careful wit your words, milord. You've disrespected me enough for one day,'' Sansa left the table and before leaving she added. ''Send a raven to the Dreadfort. Tell Lord Bolton I will receive him in Winterfell and no harm shall be done to him. He has my word.''  
Theon followed Sansa out of the room wordless. She would do this? She would marry him? After everything, they've been through they would go back to the very same place.  
When they reached her chambers, Sansa entered and left the door open. Theon stopped at the doorway until the girl finally spoke.  
''Come in Theon, close the door.''  
Theon did as asked, closing the door behind him and a soon as the door slammed shut, Sansa sat down hard on the bed and removed her crown, placing it on her bedside table with a thud.  
''Theon...'' Sansa began talking, her hands fisted in the skirts of her dress and Theon knew it was to stop them from trembling. '' You should send a raven to your sister, I am sure she will be more than happy to have you back at her side.''  
Theon frowned and his heart raced as he moved to stand in front of Sansa, forcing her to look up at him. Her eyes were full of unshed tears and he doubted that she would let them fall.  
''What are you talking about? I- Sansa,'' Theon knelt in front of her when she looked down, unable to keep looking at him. ''I am not leaving you.''  
Sansa shook her head, biting her lip to prevent herself from crying.  
''I can't ask you to stay here, not with him. It is not fair, you don't have to do this.''  
''I am here to protect you. I know him, I will be the first to know if the ever dares to do anything to you. I will not leave you.'' Theon took her hands in his, squeezing them as to reassure her that he was still there, that he wouldn't leave.  
''And who will protect you!?'' Sansa said, releasing one of her hands to place it in Theon's cheek. ''I can't Theon. I couldn't even stop this from happening. The Lords won't care if he goes after you.''  
Theon swallowed through a dry throat, fear starting to rise again inside him.  
No. He had to be strong for her. She was going to marry him again.  
''I can defend myself, Sansa. I am not his pet anymore, I won't let he get to me.''  
''He will be king,'' Sansa said, more to herself than to Theon. ''I started a battle to get him out of here, and now he's coming back as a king.''  
''They only need his rations, they don't need him,'' Theon said and he wasn't sure if he was trying to convince himself of Sansa. Maybe Both. ''If he ever does anything to you, he is a dead man. I'll kill him myself if I have to.''  
Sansa looked up at this, stared him for a moment before asking:  
''Could you do this? Could you really do it?''  
Theon's tongue felt heavy on his mouth. Could he? He wasn't sure.  
''For you. I would do it for you.'' Theon almost believed himself. Almost.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Theon was at the walls of Winterfell, the sun had barely risen when he arrived there, looking at the vast road that leads to Winterfell. Now the sun was high on the clouded sky, or so he thought since he couldn't really see it through the clouds.  
Ramsay was arriving today. He could go to the Iron Islands, go to his sister and stay away from all of this. From having to see Sansa being wed to him again. Away from Ramsay. Unfortunately, he had made a promise to himself that he wouldn't run ever again.  
He hadn't told Sansa this, or his sister. The thought remained buried inside his head but there was no escaping from his mind, and he knew what he felt those first few months after he had escaped Winterfell. He had missed Ramsay. Missed the way he sometimes treated him when he was in a good mood. The times Theon was allowed to rest his face in Ramsay's thigh and the way Ramsay carded his fingers through his hair, almost a caress.  
The way it was easy. Theon had learned to see when Ramsay was angry, or satisfied, bored ou aroused. And he knew what to do every time, whatever the circumstances. And after a while, Ramsay had stopped punishing him, had stopped torturing him because Theon had finally learned. He had finally become Ramsay's and that was all his master had ever wanted. A good, loyal pet. And good and loyal reek was. He wasn't faking it when Ramsay asked him if he loved him. He did, he loved his master with all his heart and soul if he even had one.  
And that terrified Theon in all those months. It terrified him that he still loved him, he still missed the way Ramsay sometimes held him and how protective he was of him. Nobody ever cared about him that much, nobody ever killed their men for touching him in the wrong way.  
But missing him was something. Actually having him back was another thing completely. Theon had betrayed him, he had run away and taken his bride with him. He had caused Ramsay to lose the north. Ramsay wouldn't care for him, wouldn't care about him. He probably sent his men to save Theon so that he could have him to himself.  
A hand touched Theon's armoured shoulder and he jumped on his feet, quickly turning around only to find Sansa, with her coronation clothes staring at him.  
''How long have you been here?'' She asked, turning to stare at the same place Theon had.''  
''Before dawn,'' Theon answered turning back around as well. ''They should be arriving any moment now.''  
''Yes.'' Was Sansa's only reply.  
They stood there together for what felt like hours until they finally saw horsemen coming in the distance.  
''Will...'' Sansa sounded unsure about asking. ''Will you accompany me when I go to see him?'  
''Of course, I will,'' Theon said, watching as the flayed man banner came into view. He turned around resting his back on the wall so to not see Ramsay's face.  
''Lord Glover and Cerwyn will speak to him first. I don't want to be there to see his face. Then I will talk to him alone. I want to know what he will say when he sees is just us.''  
'You want to know if he is planning to treat you the way he did in the past,'' Theon said rather then asked. He heard men yelling to have the gates opened and Sansa turned around as well, taking a deep breath.  
''Yes. And I want you with me because you know him better than I ever could. If you notice something- Anything wrong, you will tell me later, won't you?'' Sansa turned her face towards him.  
''Of course, I will Sansa,'' Theon said. ''You are my queen, not him.''  
  
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Theon's heart sank each step he took towards the salon they were about to meet Ramsay. When they reached the doors, they both stopped, staring at it. Theon didn't know what was going through Sansa's head, but he knew exactly what was going through his. Fear, uncontrollable fear and anxiety. Part of him wanted to turn around and run in the opposite direction, run towards the Iron Islands and never look back. But another part of him, the part he tried his best to maintain hidden from everyone else and even to himself, was longing for the man who stood inside this room, longed for his warm touch, cold voice and those hands that could do so much harm and at the same time could give him the sweetest caress.  
''Shall we?'' Sansa finally said, barely a whisper.  
Theon took a deep breath and nodded.  
''Open the doors,'' Sansa said in a higher tone to the two guards standing on each side of the doors. It wasn't common in the North, to have guards at every door, every hallway, but apparently, Sansa grew fond of the idea at her time in Kings Landing.  
The men wordlessly moved to open the doors and Theon didn't think twice before entering. If he did, it was possible he would run away.  
The room was made of stone, like the rest of the rooms on the castle. It was rather small, with a fireplace at the furthest wall, a table in the centre of the room witch had its superficie covered in snow because of the open window at its side. Ramsay stood at the end of the room, in front of the fireplace with his back to them. He had a heavy coat on with fur on his shoulders.  
At the sound of the doors closing behind them, the man turned around and a big smile formed on the man's face. Theon physically felt his heart miss a beat at the sight of him. His face was freshly shaven, his hair seemed blacker than usual in the dim light of the room and his canine teeth seemed impossibly big, as always. His eyes traced Sansa's entire form, stopping for a moment at the crown in her head and he seemed unaware of the fact that Theon was in the room. That is until his eyes left Sansa and focused on him.  
Theon never saw Ramsay's breath falter the way it did when he finally saw him. He sucked in a sharp intake of breath, his mouth parted slightly and his eyes grew big the way he did when he was angry, excited or surprised. Theon wasn't sure which one he was now. Maybe all of them.  
''Lord Bolton,'' Sansa interrupted the moment, briefly glancing at Theon before continuing. ''I take it that my Lords already have spoken to you?''  
Ramsay's eyes took a moment longer before leaving Theon and when it happend he took five steps forward, his cloak fluttering behind him. When he was distanced of them by only a step he stopped and stared at Sansa for a few seconds before bowing.  
''My queen,'' Ramsay said, and he lifted his head with a smirk on his lips, his back still curved. ''It is an honour.'' He straightened up and looked at Theon. ''Reek. How sweet of you coming to welcome me.''  
Theon almost choked on his tongue as the name rolled off Ramsay's tongue. He set his mouth shut, the muscles of his jaw prominent. Before he could answer Sansa stepped in.  
''His name is Theon Greyjoy, Ramsay.'' She hissed through clenched teeth.  
''Oh? Is it?'' Ramay crossed his arms in front of himself and turned his torso to Theon, a sarcastic smile on his face as he said with a sweet voice:  
''He doesn't seem too sure about that.''  
Theon looked up and stared into those eyes he dreamed about every single night. That he sometimes feared and sometimes missed, even though that disgusted him beyond words. He felt a sudden fury rise on his chest. There was nowhere to hide from this, from him.  
''My name is Theon Greyjoy,'' Theon raised his chin higher when he saw that the only effect of his words was Ramsay's smirk growing in size. ''Reek no longer exists. I buried him a long time ago.'' Theon lied, but Ramay didn't have to know that.  
Ramsay leaned in close to Theon and said, with that same sickly sweet voice of his.  
''You were always very good at pretending,'' Ramsay's eyes narrowed as his lips stretched in a smile that suggested that he knew all of Theon's secrets. ''You know you can't hide, pet. Not from me.''  
Theon's eyes widened as he took a sharp step back, all the fight leaving him at Ramsay's words. He couldn't hide. Ramay knew all his secrets, all his lies.  
Dropping his head down, his chin touching his chest, his shoulders trembling, Theon stood. It was hard to breathe, hard to think, hard to stand. All Theon wanted was get the hell out of that room, but another part of him longed for Ramsay. Wanted to drop to his knees in front of him and accept who he really was.  
_And who are you really?_  
_Reek, I'm Reek._  
Suddenly there was a shadow in front of him, and when he looked up, he only saw Sansa's back, her red hair nearly getting to her waist.  
''You didn't come here to play with him,'' She snapped, her voice loud in the quiet room. ''My Lords and I didn't call here that _sick boy_ who loved to play with people, who went out hunting girls for fun. We called the man who managed to raise his house from nothing to the second most powerful of the North. Something your father took years to accomplish and you di it in two years.''  
Sansa took a step towards Ramsay, a bare few inches between them since none of the two would take a step back.  
''I didn't want to, but I am queen and I must do whatever it takes to feed my people, to give them a quality of life. Will you be able to stop being that child and be the king I need? Because if not, you are free to leave and never come back.''  
Theon's hand fell on his sword when Ramsay did nothing but stare at Sansa, his chin held high, his eyes ice-cold in his stare. Theon had seen this stare so many times...  
_Run, run, run, run..._  
Finally, a smile spread across Ramsay's face and he nodded.  
''We will make the North great again, my queen.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I did the fucking Trump line I'm sorry  
>  Tell me what you think :))))


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovebirds! I'm back with another fresh chapter.  
>  All I can say is: Poor Theon. I love my baby.

''Would you deliver this to the meister? I wrote Jon to attend to the wedding ceremony.'' Sansa folded the letter and handed it to Theon who was waiting with his hand outstretched.

''Of course,'' Theon answered. ''You think he will come?''

Sansa sighed, placing her hands on the table. 

''I know he will. He will also try to stop it, and then I'll have to convince him that _marrying Ramsay Bolton_ is the right thing to do.''

''And are you convinced of that?'' Theon asked, dropping his voice to a whisper.  


Sansa stared at him for a moment, but her gaze seemed far away. Finally, she said:

''It's the right thing to do for the North. When I was named Queen, I knew it wouldn't be easy. I knew I would have to do things I didn't like for the well-being of my people,'' Sansa shook her head, folding her hands. ''But I never thought it would cost so much for me.''

''Sansa I- I've been meaning to tell you...'' Theon swallowed through a dry throat. ''I've been wanting to tell you that I- I am sorry for yesterday. I truly am. I don't know what- I don't-'' Theon lowered his head, staring at the floor in shame.

''Theon,'' Sansa got up and encircled the table, stopping in front of him and taking his free hand. ''It wasn't your fault. None of it is. I didn't expect you to fully recover from all you've been through in so little time. And the progress you've already made... I am proud of you, Theon. And that was not your fault.''

Theon raised his head, allowing his eyes to meet Sansa's. He gave her a short nod of his head before turning around and leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

**''Good,'' Sansa answered and after a moment her eyes left Ramsay's stare and she turned around to look at Theon, who was still with his head lowered and his shoulders cowered, trembling slightly. ''Theon. Let's go.''**  


**Sansa walked towards the door and when she opened it, she realized that Theon wasn't at her side. When she turned back, the man was still in the same position except for his head, that was now slightly raised and he was looking in Ramsay's direction, his eyes wide.**   


**Ramsay smiled and walked up to Theon, stopping right in front of him. He made a show of slowly taking off his right hand's glove and then raised his hand and touched Theon's face.**

**Theon visibly flinched when Ramsay's hand touched his face and his thumb stroked his cheek. His ice-blue eyes roamed through Theon's face before he licked his lips and said:**   


**''Go on, pet. Follow your queen.'' Ramsay whispered.**   


**Theon made a small noise on the back of his throat and hurried after Sansa, who was standing next to the door and when Theon came close enough, she outstretched her hand and placed it on Theon's shoulder pulling him close and out of the chamber.**   
**Theon couldn't feel his legs moving or his feet touching the ground, but before he knew, he was in his own chamber and he could vaguely hear someone calling his name but he couldn't focus, his thoughts were screaming in his head and all he wanted was for it to stop.**

**_You have to remember your name._**

**''Theon... I- I am Theon, The-'' Theon placed his hands on his head, his back curving slightly. ''Please, please no...''**

**_What is your name?_**   
**_Theon Greyjoy._ **   


**''Theon are you alright?'' Sansa walked into the room and stopped at the sight in front of her. Theon had his hands on his head, his fingers pulling at his hair and he was whispering something to himself. ''... Theon?'' Sansa asked again, with a softer tone.**

**_What is your name?_**   
**_Theon... Greyjoy._ **

**Theon couldn't breathe. He opened his mouth and gasped when his lungs didn't fill completely. His eyes filled with tears and he turned around at the sound of his name. Sansa. Master's wife.**

**''No, no...'' Theon looked up at Sansa's startled face and reached for her, taking one step and falling to the ground when his other leg failed. His knees ached in pain when they hit the ground but it was nothing compared to the pounding in his head.**

**_What is your NAME?_**   
**_... Reek. My name. Reek._ **

**''Theon!'' Sansa fell on her knees before him, grabbing his face and shaking it lightly.**

**''NO! Not Theon- not Theon, please...'' Theon choked as his tears dripped down his face.**

**Sansa let go of his face, her eyes wide.**

**''What? Theon what are you sayi-''**

**''NOT THEON! Never- never Theon. Only Reek. Good Reek, loyal Reek...'' Theon gasped shaking his head furiously. Some strands of his hair were stuck to his face due to his tears. ''Where is... Where is master? Tell him, tell him I was good.''**

**Sansa shook her head, her eyes watering. Her hands came up to his face again, pushing his hair back and wiping his face all the while Theon was trying to hide away from her hands.**

**''Theon, please, what is going on? What can I do?'' Sansa asked, her voice small.**

**Theon looked up at her, staring into her eyes. Eyes that were frightened and worried. Worried about him. But why? Why would someone care for him?**

**_Your name is Theon Greyjoy. Son of Balon Greyjoy, heir to the Iron Islands_. **

**Theon whimpered, ducking himself away from her once again. What were these memories?**

**''Theon, look at me,'' Sansa's hand went to his hair and pulled his face to her shoulder, letting him rest his forehead there. ''Shhh, it's alright, I am here.''**

**_I won't make it without you._**   
**_You will. Go north, only north._ **

**''NO!'' Theon pushed away from her, his whole body trembling. ''I need my master. Please, I-I... Please.''**

**Sansa slowly got up, taking a deep breath before leaving the room. Theon could barely hear her talking to a guard, asking for Lord Bolton.**

**_Lord Bolton! Master!_**

**Theon curled himself into a tight ball - as much as his armour let him - on the middle of the floor and he couldn't stop trembling. His breathing was coming in short pants through his mouth.**

**''Missing me already, Your Grace? I'm _flattered_.'' Theon heard his master's voice and he let out another whimper, tightening his arms around himself. Would he know he was good? He was being good.**

**''You- You did something to him.'' Sansa's voice. ''I don't know what to do. Fix it.''**

**Theon peered through his arms to see his master entering the room. He had his brow furrowed and was gazing at Theon's trembling form with suspicion.**   


**_No!_ Master couldn't distrust him, he was good! He was loyal!**

**Theon crawled on his fours until he was at Ramsay's feet. Without hesitating, the rested his head in Ramsay's thigh and nuzzled his cheek there, taking a deep, calming breath.**

**Ramsay's hands hovered on the top of Theon's head for a moment before he finally rested his right hand on the man's head, carding his fingers through his hair.**   


**''It's alright, pet,'' Ramsay's voice washed through him, finally shutting up the screaming voices in his head. Theon took a breath of relief and his hands came up to grab at the back of Ramsay's thighs. ''That's right. I'm right here.''**

**''He's breathing again,'' Sana said, her voice full of relief. ''I think you are done here.''**

**Ramsay's hand tightened on Theon's hair and he glared at Sansa.**

**''The moment I leave this room he will be a mess all over again.''**

**Sansa took a step towards Ramsay, staring him don as she stood in front of him, a few feet away because of Theon's form kneeling at Ramsay's feet.**

**''He is not here to be your pet. He is my guard and my brother. He collapsed because of _you_.'' Sansa spat the last word, her hands tight fists.**

**''And I am the only one who can help him,'' Ramsay smiled tilting his head to the side. ''That must be frustrating for you. Loving someone who needs the only person that you hate the most.''**

**Sansa took a step back, her eyes widened before she took hold of herself a glared at him.**

**''Theon is my brother,'' Sansa said, her jaw clenching.**

**Ramsay smile widened, his teeth sharp as usual.**

**''I heard you had great respect for Cersei Lannister. Maybe she taught you a thing or two about brothers.''**

**Sansa opened and closed her mouth, her glare burning holes into Ramsay's eyes.**

**''Put him in bed. When he awakes, he will be just fine. And then he can kick you out himself.''**

**Ramsay looked down at Theon and a smile graced his lips as he moved his hand from his hair to Theon's chin, lifting his head up.**

**Theon stared at Ramsay's face and shivered when the man smiled. Gods forgive him, his master was beautiful. But of course, he would be. Maybe he was a god himself.**

**''Let's get you in bed, Reek,'' Ramsay said.**

**_I need Theon, I need my brother, not this impostor. Can you find him for me?_**

**Theon shook his head, his hands clutching at Ramsay's thighs.**

**''Anything master wants,'' Theon answered but the words felt wrong in his mouth. Why was that?**   


**''Good. Get up and get into bed then.'' Ramsay let go of his chin and Theon instantly missed the contact.**

**Theon looked back at the bed and then up at Sansa, who was giving a small, forced smile. Sansa. She was wearing a crown. She was queen in the north. Was there a king in the north? Theon vaguely remembered something...**   


**_Are you my brother? Now and always?_**   
**_Now and always._ **

**''Reek. I don't like to ask twice.'' Ramsay's voice shook him away from his thoughts and he quickly got up walking towards the bd and sitting down heavily.**   


**Ramsay walked towards him with an easy smile and touched his shoulders, making Theon jerk and look at him with alarmed eyes.**   


**''Calm down, pet. Let's get this thing out so you can lie down.'' Ramsay said, making quick work of his armour and putting it on the floor beside the bed leaving Theon his leather shirt. ''Lie down now. Sleep.'' Ramsay said.**

**Theon lied down and stared at Ramsay the whole time, waiting for further instructions. Ramsay smiled and turned around, ready to leave the room.**

**''Sansa here will be staying with you. Sleep well, pet.'' Ramsay stopped at the doorway, turning around to give Theon a disturbing smile. ''We'll talk later.''**

**As soon as he left, Sansa moved towards Theon, startling him.**

**''I'm sorry, I'm sorry,'' Sansa sat down at his side after pulling the covers up and around Theon. She touched his face, giving him a sad smile. ''I'll wait for you to wake up. You must be tired. Sleep.''**

**When Theon woke up a few hours later, he looked around with wide eyes until he finally spotted Sansa sitting in a chair beside the bed, her eyes closed. As if sensing Theon's stare, the woman opened her eyes and immediately got up, now sitting besides Theon on the bed and taking his hands.**   
**''Theon?'' She had asked, unsure. Theon only response was a shake of his head, his eyes already full of tears as he nodded frantically, as if he was assuring himself, not Sansa. She had smiled, her eyes sad as she hugged him, whispering reassurances in his hair.**

So now Theon was walking in Winterfell's courtyard, a letter folded carefully in his hand as snow fell on his hair, making a thick layer of white on the top of his head and a few clung to his barely-there stubble. Theon walked up the stairs leading to the area where the ravens were, hoping to find the meister already there since he wasn't anywhere else.  


As he entered the room, he let out a tiny breath, carding his hands through his hair, shaking the snowdrops away. He purposely didn't think about the events of yesterday. Shame was already consuming him, and he knew he would have a hard time sleeping today. Maybe he would just stay awake until exhaustion got the best of him. It was a better alternative than facing his thoughts all alone in his room.  


Just as he was about to leave the room, a door opened and slammed shut behind him. Theon instantly took out his sword, turning around and pointing it to the person behind him.  


Ramsay stared back at him, hands raised in mock surrender as he smiled at Theon, eyes shining. His black hair had a layer of snow in it, just as the fur on his cloak.

''I surrender,'' Ramsay said in a fake frightened tone, taking a step closer to the man before him. Theon swallowed through a dry throat as he pressed the point of his sword to Ramsay's chest, forcing him to stop moving.

''What do you want?'' Theon asked and almost let out a breath of relief that his voice didn't falter.

''Oh, so this is what is going to be?'' Ramsay said, lowering his hands and pressing himself to the sword a little firmer. ''You were so, _so_ lovely yesterday. Almost though you missed me, pet.''

''I'm not your pet,'' Theon hissed, making his free hand into a fist around the letter, to stop it from trembling. ''Not anymore. Not ever.''

His voice did falter this time, Theon being overtaken with a sudden wave of emotions, memories from a time when he would pierce his sword through Ramsay's chest without a second thought. And times when he would throw himself in front of any sword that dared to come too close to the man before him. He wasn't quite sure these particular times had passed, but he liked to tell himself that they had.

''Well then, go ahead,'' Ramsay said, tilting his head to the side, his eyes glinting in that mischievous way that made Theon's knees tremble. ''I'm sure Sansa wouldn't mind. You must want revenge. Go ahead, _Theon_.'' Ramsay said Theon's name with a sneer as if it were some joke that he found extremely funny.

Theon's grip on the sword tightened and his heart was racing. He took a deep breath before pressing the point of the lamina right on top of Ramsay's heart. His jaw clenched as he moved the blade from his heart to his neck, feeling the way Ramsay gulped as the pointed edge of the blade pressed against his Adam's apple.

He didn't have to kill him, just take a drop of blood. A tiny little cut, enough to make him back away. Maybe then he would leave him alone. Theon readjusted his grip on the sword for the second time and raised his eyes from Ramsay's throat to his eyes, that were burning holes into his own. Theon nearly gasped at the intensity of the man's stare.

This very man had cut him, tortured him, mutilated him and made him become a lesser being, a mere pet for his own amusement. Theon could do this. He should! It wouldn't even hurt him that bad, it would just send a clear message: To leave him the hell alone.  
  


**Reek entered his master's room to replace the wood in the fireplace. No one else would dare to enter the Bastard's room while he was sleeping but the nights were getting colder and colder and may the gods forbid his master to catch a disease because of the cold!**   


**Trying to make his sounds to a minimal, Reek kneeled in front of the fireplace, carefully placing the pieces of wood he had brought in. His knees hurt like hell but he had to do this, had to make the room nice and warm so that his master could sleep well.**

**Right now the room was dreadfully cold, as it tented to be here at the Dreadfort. Reek nearly whimpered when he imagined how cold it would be in the kennels, but he restrained himself from doing so and started to try to light the fire. His master was good! He let him sleep his dogs, his precious girls! They were warm and cozy. They were more than Reek could ever ask for.**   


**When the fire finally started, Reek quietly got up and moved to leave the room, but risked a glance at his master and found him laying on his bed on his back, his chest exposed and the sheets threw at the end of the bed.**   
**Reek moved forwards standing next to the bed and watching as his master sleeps. He had thrown his sword on the floor next to the bed, right at Reek's feet. Reek eyed for a second before picking it up, inspecting it. It felt familiar, almost as if he had had one. But how could he? He could never be trusted with such a thing. He would probably cut his fingers and then his master would be forced to punish him.**

**There was a time when master never let him into his room, or near sharp things because he didn't trust Reek not to try and hurt him with it. And now here he was, lying asleep on the bed while Reek held this dangerous thing right next to him.**   
**A sudden rush of affection hit him at the same time a voice screamed in his head: _Kill him! Do it now and run away!_**

**Reek's eyes widened as he quietly dropped the sword to the ground. Master trusted him, he could never betray his trust. Reek grabbed the edge of the covers his trembling fingers and covered Ramsay's form, the room was now in a warm haze but master deserved to be cared for. Reek stared at him for a few more seconds and without him realizing it, a small smile was gracing his lips.**

**''Why are you watching me sleep, Reek?'' Suddenly Ramsay's eyes were wide open as he stared at Reek from under the covers. Reek's smile quickly disappeared and now his face was contorted in a fearful expression.**

**''I'm so sorry master, I- I was only replacing the fire and- and I noticed that you didn't have anything to protect you from the cold- I- I...''**

**''Shush, Reek,'' Ramsay said tiredly. ''I've had quite a day and I don't need your babbling mess right now. Go sleep in front of the fire, I don't want your smell near me while I try to sleep.''**

**Reek opened and closed his mouth for what felt like minutes, but had only been a few seconds. Master was allowing him to stay in his room! To sleep next to the fire in the rug in front of it! It was so much, too much for Reek!**

**'' _Thank you_ , master, thank you, Reek doesn't deserve it-''**

**'' _Yes, yes_. Go on now.'' Ramsay interrupted him, and as Reek hurried to the rug in front of the fireplace, Reek thought he had seen a small smile gracing master's lips.**   
**He trusts me. Reek thought as he was curled in front of the fire, the warmth of it immediately sending him off to sleep. _Master trusts me._**

_Ramsay trusts him_. He still does, even after Theon betraying him. And why does Theon care so much about this!? Why can't he just do this, this one, small thing?

With a loud huff of breath, Theon lowered the sword and cursed, taking a step back. Ramsay smirk widened and before Theon could even think, he was being spun around and pressed against the door.

''You can't, can you?'' Ramsay was close, so, so close and Theon couldn't breathe. Ramsay had one arm pressed on Theon's chest plate, keeping him against the door and his other hand moved to hold Theon's face in a rather brutal way. ''You keep saying how you are not my pet anymore. They keep calling you _'Theon Greyjoy'_ , but you can't escape the truth.''

Ramsay paused and lowered his head to Theon's neck and took a deep breath, letting out a little laugh afterwards, making Theon shiver.

''You can smell as nice as you want, you can call yourself whatever you want, but you are _mine._ _You'll always be mine.''_

Theon finally gathered the strength to push Ramsay away, but the man went willingly, still smiling at him. Theon was panting as he opened the door and left in a hurry, passing the meister on the stairs and quickly putting the letter in his hands as he all but ran to his room, locking the door behind him.

He could still feel how Ramsay's breath tickled his neck, and how his fingers held his face possessively. Theon sat down hard on his bed as he placed his hand on his neck and sighed. He had liked the way Ramsay held him. Had liked how Ramsay couldn't seem to stay away from him. How he had called Theon _his_.

Theon hated himself more than he could ever hate anyone else in the world. The felt sick, disgusted. He could never tell Sansa what happened, what would she think of him? She would probably be disgusted as well.

_What was wrong with him!?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? Please tell me if you liked this chapter and what you would like to see in this fic. I may take some suggestions into this work!  
>  Thank you so much!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO LOVEBIRDS!!  
>  I posted this chapter earlier today bur for some reason it didn't upload.   
>  Well, here I am again with a fresh new chapter just for you guys!! I hope you enjoy it.

The chosen day for the wedding to take place was a cold one. Even though the sun was high in the sky, clouds had begun to form and until the night came, it was certain that snow would begin to fall. 

The guests would start to arrive soon, some of which had already come the day before therefore Winterfell was already packed with people from all over the North. Sansa had chosen not to invite the Lords of the great houses of Westeros, only Daenerys, Jon and Tyrion and Yara - Sansa thought Theon would appreciate seeing his sister again -. Although the silver-haired Queen would probably bring some of her closest friends that she apparently didn't travel without.

Bran would be coming as well. Since he had decided to stay in Kings Landing alongside Jon and the new Queen for reasons that Sansa didn't understand, he would be going back with them.

Arya was somewhere in the great open sea, travelling. And that was for the best in Sansa's opinion. There was a chance she could try to kill Ramsay, and as much as that would amuse Sansa, she  _did_ need him.

Theon , Sansa and Ramsay stood side by side on Winterfell's courtyard, although there was a significant distance between Ramsay and the couple. Behind them stood all of the Northern Lords. Most of them loyal to the Starks, some of them loyal to the Boltons. Not that it would matter at the end of the day.

Sansa was wearing her coronation clothes, while Ramsay wore his everyday leather clothes, with the addition of the long fur coat displayed on his shoulders. Theon was wearing the same armour he wore every day to identify him as Sansa's Queen guard. The armour was a shining silver-grey colour with a wolf's head on the middle with a crown on top of it.

Ramsay kept stealing  _glances_ at Theon, who would always glance back when he felt the gaze on him and then turn his head away, shifting uncomfortably in his place.

They all stood there for about thirty minutes until they heard a loud shriek coming from the sky and the unsettling loud sound of flapping wings. Theon, who was already familiarized with the sounds of a dragon growing closer, unconsciously turned his head to look at Ramsay, who had his eyes slightly narrowed and his mouth parted. Theon knew the exact moment the man saw the dragon because his eyes grew impossibly larger and he took in a deep breath, letting out a small white smoke out of his mouth when he exhaled. When Theon glanced at Sansa, she was also looking at Ramsay, with a small smile tugging at her lips. Theon frowned.

Sansa took a step closer to Ramsay, and leaned down to say:

''If I were you, I would take what the Lords said to you about never touching me to heart. I happen to have a Queen who I can ask a favour of and she has a  _hungry child_ to feed.''

Theon felt a smile forming on his face as he looked forward again, and before Ramsay could give Sansa any kind of answer, the woman moved next to Theon again and the men yelled:  _Open the gates!_

The flapping sound grew louder as Drogon hovered above Winterfell's walls, and slowly descended on the other side of the walls. Even though he was landed on the ground behind the walls, they could still see the pointy edges of his wings, his horns and the scales on his back.

Suddenly a wave of horses entered through the gates and Sansa took a step forward, eager to remeet her brother. She could easily recognize Missandei and Grey Worm. The rest of the men were Unsullied and were only there to escort them. Sansa frowned when she didn't spot Jon, but soon enough the man was entering Winterfell, guiding his horse on foot, alongside Daenerys.

The woman hadn't changed much, her silver hair was let loose with only a few strands secured into a braid. She was wearing the same style of clothing that she did last time she was there, but the furs on her dress-coat were red and the rest of it was black matching her dark crown with red stones that were placed across her forehead.

When Sansa aimed to look at Jon, the man was already there, squeezing her in a tight hug. Sansa let out a small huff of laughter and hugged him back. When they finally separated, Jon took a step back and took a long look at her, with a fond smile on his face.

'' _Your Grace_ ,'' Jon said, the fondness clear on his voice. Then, he looked at Theon and the smile didn't falter. ''Theon. You look well.''

Jon gave Theon's armour a slight punch, making Theon smile.

''Jon. So do you.''

''The crown fits you,'' Daenerys said, with a warm smile aimed at Sansa.

Sansa returned the smile, unsure if she meant it or not. She never really liked her, she didn't trust her, but still. She gave away the north without a fight and she made his brother happy.

''Not as much as you.'' Sansa finally said.

Daenerys walked towards Ramsay with raised eyebrows. She stood in front of him, and although Sansa couldn't hear what he was saying to her, the woman's eyebrows raised even more and she raised her hand to his own waiting hands. He kissed her hand and said something else with an enchanting smile plastered across his face.

Jon was currently glaring at the scene, and when Sansa looked back at him, he turned to her with an incredulous expression.

''You aren't going through with this, are you?'' He hissed.

Sansa sighed.

''Jon...'' The man interrupted her:

''Is he threatening you? Did he try to touch you? Did he-''

''No! no, Jon, he didn't do anything to me. And yes, I am going through with this. Please don't make a fuss out here-''

''  _'To you?'_ Did he do anything to anyone else?'' Jon asked, and only a second later his eyes shifted to Theon at the same time that Sansa's did.

Theon's eyes widened at the sudden attention and his heart race picked up.

'' I- I...'' Theon stammered through his words, looking from Sansa to Jon and then to Sansa again.

Jon's face darkened and he immediately turned to Ramsay, his hands balled into fists.

'' _Jon-_ '' Sansa put her hands on his arm, but he already began moving toward Ramsay. Ramsay turned his head from the conversation with Daenerys to Jon's approaching figure. He seemed relaxed, his hands folded in front of him as he watched Jon come to him with a small smile.

The moment Jon got too close, Ramsay's men who were behind him stepped in front of him, their hands on their swords.

That didn't seem to stop Jon, he only paused in front of the man, making Daenerys take a step back looking confused as Jon began to speak.

''If you ever even _try_ to hurt Theon again I will come here personally and punch you until I rip that smile off your face. Do _'ya hear me_ ?''

Sansa and Theon approached them the same time as Grey Worm stod beside Daenerys, his spear in hand.

''Jon-  _Jon_ , come on. Let's go speak inside. Now.'' Sansa pushed him away from a smiling Ramsay.

''Always a pleasure,  _bastard_ .''

Daenerys frowned at the sudden cold tone of Ramsay's voice as Jon tried to get to him again. This time Theon held him down.

''Come on, Jon. It's alright. Let's get inside.''

''Aye,'' Jon finally said, stepping back. ''He stays.''

Ramsay scoffed but Sansa turned to him and said:

''Go find something to do while I talk to my brother.''

Soon enough they were all inside the castle walls. Missandei had been guided to her room and after Daenerys insisted, Grey Worm followed her. Theon, Jon, Sansa and Daenerys stood in the Great Salon.

''You can't do this, you can't marry him!'' Jon said as soon as they entered the chamber, stalking ff in front of them, shaking his head in disbelief.

''I have to,'' Sansa said, sighing. ''The North needs his men, needs his supplies. I cannot force the houses sworn to the Boltons to serve me. Not when I have nothing to offer them in return. The houses loyal to me are broken. And none of them wl follow me into another war when there's an easy way to solve this.''

'' _An easy way?_ You said you would never come back to him alive, and now you're _inviting_ him back? This is madness, Sansa!''

Sansa sat down heavily on one of the benches displayed for the tables. Before he could answer, Daenerys spoke up:

''Is he the man who you were married to? The man from the Battle of the Bastards?'' 

''Yes, he is,'' Sansa took a deep breath before adding. ''He is a sick, evil man. But I  _need_ him. I am the Queen and I must put my people before me.''

''I expected him to be more...'' Dany paused, frowning. 

''Hideous? Frightful?'' Sansa let out a humourless laugh. 

''Don't let yourself be fooled by his smile or his words. I once were, and that didn't end up well.'' Theon said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Dany turned towards him, looking him up and down.

''You? You have a history with him as well? I thought his men tortured you and kept you imprisoned.''

Sansa looked up at Theon as the man hunched his shoulders, looking away from Daenerys.

''Ramsay tortured him. Mutilated him and- and turned him into a whole different person. If I suffered in his hands, I can't even imagine what Theon went through all those years.''

Dany looked at Theon with a pitful expression, her expressive eyebrows high on her forehead.

''And you're still marrying him. You'll be alone here with him,'' Jon looked at Theon before adding. ''Both of you.''

''If he ever touches me, he will be dead before the sun rises on the next day. He is well aware of that.''

''And you think he will take this seriously?'' Jon exclaimed, tossing his hands to the side, clearly frustrated.

''If he doesn't, he will die. Doing both of us a favour. But being king is more important to him than hurting me. He has other people to do that to.''

'' _Other people_ like Theon?'' Jon asked, his voice lowering.

Theon gulped, lowering his head and taking a deep breath. He hated to be the focus of the conversation. Sansa looked at him, her lips a thin line in her face.

''Did he try to do anything to you?'' She asked, stretching her arm to hold his hand.

Theon looked at her fingers holding his hand and then up to her face. He felt all the eyes on him as he answered.

''No.'' He said, feeling a pang of guilt in his chest. Why was he lying? He could say something.  _Say something!_ ''He hasn't come near me.''

''If he does-'' Sansa began, but Theon interrupted him.

''I'll tell you. I promise.'' He was lying for him. Why? Why on earth would he do that? He shouldn't keep secrets from Sansa, she was-

_You must not keep secrets from me, Reek._

Theon clenched his jaw and focused his eyes on Sansa who was siling at him. Theon managed a smile.  _Why is she looking at me like that?_

Jon cleared his throat and Theon pulled his hand away, looking at him and Dany, who was trying to hide a smile.

''Well,'' Jon said, his voice grumpy. ''I do not agree with this. But if it is what you want-''

''Not what I  _want_ , Jon. What I have to do.''

''Aye,'' Jon said, shaking his head. ''Then I guess-''

The door suddenly opened, making the three of them look at who was entering the room, with two Unsullied following close behind.

Theon smiled, taking a step forward.

''Yara.'' The man said, and before he knew, he was being engulfed in a tight hug.

''Little brother,'' Yara said, her hand on his hair. ''I'm glad that you're ok.''

Theon froze for a second at the sudden contact but slowly eased into it, feeling like he had to stop it before he got into trouble.  _What trouble? I'm allowed to touch other people._ Theon reminded himself.

Yara let go of Theon to turn and face the other people in the room. She nodded at Sansa with a quiet  _Your Grace,_ and then fully turned to Daenerys, the corners of her mouth lifting. Yara knelt on one knee in front of Dany and took her hands, bringing it to her lips with a smirk.

''My Queen,'' She said, kissing it and then getting up, standing directly in front of her, still holding her hand. ''It is a pleasure, as always.''

Daenerys bit her bottom lip, trying to stop herself from smiling and after a moment of the two of them only staring at each other, Jon cleared his throat.

Yara turned to look at him as she let go of Dany's hand. Sansa raised her eyebrows at Theon, still sitting on the bench and Theon shrugged, and an awkward smile on his lips.

''You must be Jon Snow,'' Yara said, reaching her arm towards him. Jon raised his eyebrows and shifted in his place.

''Aye. You- You don't have to kiss my hand.''

Yara stared at him for a second before looking back at Theon with her eyebrows raised and her mouth pulled into a smirk.

''I'm not kissing your fucking hand.''

Dany covered her mouth with her hand as Jon grew increasingly more uncomfortable and confused.

''You're supposed to grab her arm,'' Theon finally said, with a shadow of a smirk on his mouth.

''Oh. Right. My apologies.'' Jon said, grabbing Yara's arm for a few seconds before she let it go.

''I hear we are getting a wedding. So? Who's the lucky bastard that is going to get to kiss this beauty?'' Yara said, winking at Sansa, who flushed and looked at Theon, confusion written all over her face.

''You didn't te-''

''I'm afraid I'm not a bastard anymore, and it probably won't be any kissing although that's Sansa's decision.'' A voice said from the door, making everyone in the room turn once again towards it. Theon's whole body tensed as he looked at Yara.

Ramsay stood there missing his cape, having taken it off after he entered the castle. Theon took a step toward Yara, but the woman was already walking in Ramsay's direction.

''You fucking piece of shit-'' Yara moved her fist in the direction of Ramsay's face, but the man easily ducked to the side and held her fist, twisting her arm with one hand.

''If I were you, I wouldn't. I don't spare someone just because of their pretty little faces. Ask your broth-'''

Ramsay was interrupted as Yara pushed her knee up, hitting him in the middle of his legs, making Ramsay curse and l his guard for a moment, giving Yara the chance of hitting him on the face.

''You don't  _ever_ talk about my brother again. If you ever touch him I'll fucking  _drown you on your dogs piss_ .''

Theon took a step towards them but Sansa held him back, a satisfied smile gracing her lips. Dany had her arms crossed and a similar smile on his face when Ramsay let out a short breath that sounded too much like a laugh to Theon's taste.

''I already received this threat today. You would have to get in line.''

Before either of them could react, Ramsay moved his let between Yara's own and pushed at her ankles, making her lose balance for only one second. A second that Ramsay used to deliver a punch to Yara's stomach with one hand, making her body double over and giving him the chance to slap her with the back of his hand with enough force to knock her to the ground.

Jon took a step forward at the same time as Then did, Sansa got up and Dany's eyes grew wide.

Yara cursed and when she got up again, Jon and Theon held her back from attacking Ramsay again.

''Let me  _go_ ! I'll kill you, do _'ya_ hear me?'' Yara shouted at Ramsay, who was currently rubbing his bruised cheekbone.

''Take my sister to her chambers,'' Theon said to one of the guards who stood there unsure after they have entered the room when they heard screaming. ''Yara, go. I'll see you at the wedding.  _Please_ .''

Yara huffed a breath but followed the guard out of the room, glaring at Ramay when she crossed him.

''Well,'' Dany said, her eyebrows raised as she took in the room. ''The North never disappoints. I should be going, see if Drogon ate already.'' 

And after that, Sansa, Theon, Ramsay and Jon were the only ones left in the room. 

''They've been here less than a day and you already managed to fight one and scare another one away.''

''I'm sure the dragon Queen isn't scared,'' Ramsay said, taking tentative steps until he was standing beside Theon and Facing Jon and Sansa. He raised his arms and said in a fake guilty tone, his face softening. ''It's not my fault that everyone comes to me with their fists raised.''

Sansa took a deep, calming breath before answering.

''It  _is_ your fault.''

''Well,'' Ramsay made his mouth into a pout and moved his eyes up. ''I'm happy that you enjoyed the show.''

''Why is he here?'' Jon asked in a cleary controlled tone.

Ramsay looked at Jon with a faked concerned expression.

''I don't think you have been told, but this happens to my home. Maybe you are suffering from memory loss.''

''Alright, that is enough,'' Sansa said before Jon could retort and another fight started. ''I should be getting ready, Jon you would do me the honour of leading me when the time comes?''

Jon seemed taken aback, his mouth fell open and his face softened.

''Of course, Sansa.'' He said, taking her hand in his. ''I just wish it were in different circumstances.''

''Poor  _Theon,''_ Ramsay said leaning in close to Theon's ear and saying his name the same way he always did: With a mocking tone, like it was a joke rather than his name. ''He took your spot.''

''And  _you_ ,'' Sansa said, turning to Ramsay and downright glaring at him for his proximity to Theon. ''Should be getting ready as well.''

''Of course,'' Ramsay bowed and left the room, not before winking at Theon.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Theon was waiting outside of Sansa's room for Jon to come. But before he arrived, Lord Glover passed him in the hallway and grumpily said:

''Lord Bolton still isn't there. Go fetch him and lead him to the Gods' Wood.''

Theon immediately panicked.

''I'm waiting for-''

Lord Glover turned around, glaring at him.

''I don't give a shit who you are waiting for, boy. Go find him, now.''

Before Theon could say anything, Lord Glover was gone down in the hallway.  Theon took a deep breath and gave Sansa's door one last look before heading down to Ramsay's room. Sansa's primary request was that they were sleeping in separate bedrooms, and Ramsay's room was just around the corner.

Standing there at the entrance of Ramsay's room, Theon felt like he might get sick. He raised his hand and took about ten seconds before he finally knocked on the door.

''Come in!'' He heard Ramsay say, and with shaking hands, he opened the door and looked inside, trying to find Ramsay - And his heart immediately stopped.

Ramsay was standing there, wearing a black silk vest without sleeves, with a dark pink shirt underneath that was covering his arms that had small black drops of blood all over it. He was wearing black leather pants, that seemed to shine and high boots. On his left ear, he had a bright red earring in the format of a drop of blood. He was currently trying to tie his pink cloak with the same style as his shirt on his shoulders.

Theon stood there, mouth suddenly dry until Ramsay raised his eyes to see who was in the room, and when he saw that it was Theon, his eyes seemed to shine under the light of the candles.

''Would you help me with this?'' Ramsay asked, voice intoxicantly sweet.

Theon gulped as he walked in Ramsay's direction, reaching for the cape with his fingers still stubbornly trembling. He made quick work of tying up the laces in each of Ramsay's shoulders and the other man just... Stood there, quietly humming to himself.

''There,'' Theon said, his voice rough like he hadn't spoken in a long time and was using his throat for the first time.

Ramsay turned to him, his hands clasped in front of himself, an easy smile on his face and raised eyebrows.

''Well? How do I look?'' 

Theon stared at him for a long moment. He was too close and his eyes. Always so distracting. 

''You- I- Of course- I mean, _yes_... Yes, you look good.'' Theon managed to say and wanted to clasp himself in the forehead for the poor attempt at sounding unaffected. 

Ramsay gave a breathy laugh as he looked down fo a second, before looking up at Theon again. Theon looked closer, and now he could see the reddish bruise on Ramsay's cheekbone. Without thinking, Theon raised his gloved hands and lightly touched the bruise, making Ramsay flinch.

Theon came back to himself after staying ten seconds with his fingers softly touching Ramsay's cheekbone and staring into the man's eyes, Ramsay's expression open and - Theon thought for a moment - soft.

Theon quickly pulled his hand back, clearing his throat and taking a step back.

''I- 'm here to lead you to the Gods' Wood.''

Ramsay took a step towards him, his smile coming back.

''Well, obviously. Why else would you come here for?'' The man asked, standing far to close to Theon, and when Thenicked his lips, Ramsay's eyes traced the motion.

''I-...''  Theon stopped himself short when Ramsay's hand came up and touched his hair, which was pulled back just like it has been on Sansa and Ramsay's first wedding night.

Ramsay sighed and said in a conversational tone like he was talking about the weather:

''I'm not sure whether I want to beat you up of fuck you until you can't remember your name, nowadays...''

Theon took in a sharp breath and walked a step back, thumping his back at the table and knocking down a cup that was on top of it.

Ramsay smiled again and turned his back to Theon.

''I'm sure I'll decide.'' He briefly looked over his shoulder at Theon, who was still leaning against the table with his eyes wide and a terrified expression on his face. ''Well? Do what you came here to do. Lead me to my wedding.''

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ramsay was standing at the bottom of the three, snow falling all around him and the guests. There were two pieces of wood craved on the ground on each side of him, one with the Stark banner, and another with the Bolton one. There was a priest a step in front of him.

Theon was standing a few feet back on the first row, beside him there was Daenerys, and behind her stood Yara. The Lords of Winterfell and their families all occupied the rest of the space.

There was a line of lighted torches leading the way up to Ramsay. Then everyone looked back, and Theon followed their gaze to where Jon was leading Sansa down the line. Theon felt his mouth quirk up into a smile at the sight of her.

Sansa had her hair down, a few strands down her shoulders while the rest reached the end of her back. Her dress was all black and had a heart-shaped cleavage. The upper part was tight on her skin and was made of the same material as her other black dress. It had long sleeves that when reached the end of her arm fell in the direction of the floor, covering her hands. She had a pompous dress skirt with a material that seemed to move each step she took. To finish the look, her crown shined under the moonlight and her lips were a soft red colour.

Of course, she wouldn't hear a white dress. Theon was still smiling as he glanced to see Ramsay's reaction. The man didn't seem unsettled, actually, he seemed rather amused.

When Sansa came close enough, Theon could see the faint scars that were on her breasts and her collarbone. She didn't have as many as Theon, nor had them so clear on her skin, but they were still there and she didn't seem ashamed of them. Not like Theon were of his.

The whole thing was over pretty quickly after that. Both of them said the usual words, Ramay with a satisfied smile on his lips while Sansa seemed like she was reciting the words from a script with no actual emotion of her voice. In the end, Ramsay took Sansa's hand in his and kissed the back of it, staring at her all the time.

The priest moved back and when he came back, he had a silver crown on his hand, it was big and circular, with an X format at the front. Ramsa bent down and the man placed the crown on his head.

Theon felt the familiar pang of fear on his chest as Ramsay turned to look at the crowd, his disturbing close-lipped smile playing on his face. All the men around Theon knelt down and raised their swords except for Jon.

Theon slowly knelt  down , and being the first in the row, Ramsay was right in front of him. Theon took out his sword and raised it above his head. Ramsay looked down at him and his smile turned into a full smirk while he watched Theon from the above.

**_''The King and Queen in the North! Long may they reign!''_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you go. Please tell me what you think!  
>  Your comments keep me alive! :DD


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Lovebirds!!!! I'm back with anoother fresh chapter!!  
>  I want to apologize for the lenght o it. I know it's very short, but I'm just writing this before going to bed and my eyes are already closing. I just wanted to givve you guys something!! I promise the next chapter will be longer.  
>  That being said, enjoy!!

The gathering after the wedding was, without a doubt, the best part of the night. Sansa and Ramsay sat side by side at the high table, besides Sansa sat Daenerys and Jon, and besides Ramsay sat Theon and then Yara. Bran was seated at the end of the table, closest to Daenerys. The rest of the guests sat at the tables disposed at the hall. 

The room was filled with noise. People laughing, screaming and arguing. The food was displayed at the tables and the liquor was served at large quantity. Theon was having a pleasant conversation with his sister while drinking his brew, he now sat without his armour and was comfortably leaning against his chair when a warm hand landed on his thigh. Theon startled and cautiously glanced to his right where Ramsay was slowly drinking his own drink and deliberately  _not_ looking at Theon.

''Is everything alright?'' Yara asking, putting down her  own drink.

''Y-Yes, I... Had too much to drink, I think.'' Theon answered, his mouth curving up in a forceful smile, one that Yara took easily enough because her attention was on the brunette that kept stealing glances at her from the tables in front of them.

''Well, it is a wedding, after all. Just know that I won't carry you to your room,'' Yara drowned her cup in one go and patted Theon on the shoulder before getting up. ''I have some more... Important business to attend to.''

And with that, the woman left the table and beelined for the girl that had been staring at her. Yaa offered her hand to the girl who early took it and they both head off to some dark part of the castle. Possibly Yara's room.

Theon watched it all with a small smile on his lips, almost forgetting about the heavyweight on his thigh. That is, until the hand moved higher up, grabbing at Theon's inner thigh and  _squeezed._

This time, Theon actually jumped a little on his chair. He snapped his head to look at Ramsay, who had his cup around his mouth, but Theon could still see the smirk gracing his lips.

''Would you quit it?'' Theon whispered, looking at Sansa over Rmsay'sshoulder, but she was currently locked into a conversation with Jon.

Ramsay turned to look at him, and innocent look on his face even though his hand was still squeezing Theon's inner thigh. 

''What was that?'' Ramsay asked, his voice sweet.

Theon sighed, his hands trembling as he placed them on top of Ramsay's bare hands and pulled it off of him.

''I think you've had too much to drink, _Your Grace.''_

''Is that so?'' Ramsay hummed as if thinking about what Theon had just said. ''I think I actually need more. And so do you.''

''No, don't wan-''

Ramsay interrupted him by gesturing to the young servant serving the drinks. She seemed nervous coming near Ramsay judging by the way her hands trembled as she poured the drinks for both Ramsay and Theon.

'' _Drink_ ,'' Ramsay said, his voice suddenly serious. Out of pure instinct, Theon's hand wrapped around the cup and he took a long gulp of it. Once he realised what he had done, he hastily put the cup back down and was met with a blinding grin from Ramay.

'' _Such a good pet.''_ Ramsay practically purred right on Theon's ear. The man felt his cheeks burn at the tone of his voice and he wanted to slap himself for it.

'' 'm not your pet,'' Theon said, but his voice sounded off even to his own ears.

''Sure you are not,'' Ramsay said, sounding smug. Theon kind of wanted to punch that smirk off of his face. And he kind of wanted to kiss it gone.

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Theon clenched his hand around his cup and took another long gulp of it. The wine tasted sour on his mouth, and he wished he was sitting at the down tables so that he could drink beer.

''A toast!'' One of the men on the crowd stood up with his cp high on the air. ''To the new alliance on the North, and to our King and Queen! Long may they reign!''

All of the people stood in unison, raising their mugs and screaming the same words. Sansa and Ramsay got up, raising their cups and were soon followed by Dany, Jon and Theon. Sansa smiled at her people until she cast a glance at Ramsay's ostentatious smile and her face fell, her eyes cold. Jon raised his cup, but only muttered the ''queen'' part.

Ramsay's crown hung heavy on his head, and Theon cursed himself for thinking that it suited him. More than it actually should.

The rest of the feast went smoothly, Theon may have drunk more than he actually should, but like Yara had said: It was a wedding after all. The hall was already empty, the only remaining being the ones sated at the high table. Dany had a slight flush to her cheeks while talking to Jon and Sansa, her eyes sometimes wandering off to where Yara had left. ran sat there, composed as always and looking like he was in another place rather than there. Sansa was currently glaring at something Ramsay was saying and 

Theon turned to them to hear what that was about.

''... But I meant it. You look delightful on this dress. Loved the choice of colour, really suits you.''

Sansa's face remained a blank expression, her hands folded in front of her at the table.

''You are not tearing it off of me any time soon.'' She said, her tone harsh.

Ramsay licked his lips, his eyes unabashedly looking down at her breasts before returning to her eyes.

''A shame, really.'' He finally said, drinking the last remains of his cup, glaring at it when he found it empty.

''Well, I should be going,'' Sansa said, getting up and resting her hand on Jon's shoulder. ''You will be leaving the day after tomorrow am I right?''

''Aye. Dany wouldn't let Tyrion on charge for more than three days.''

'' _Jon,_ '' Daenerys said through a smile and looked up at Sansa with guilty eyes. ''The last time I left him in charge, I came back with the city on fire.''

Sansa smiled and looked out of the window for a moment before returning her gaze to Daenerys.

''Good thing you brought the dragon with you.'' She said, passing by Dany to climb down the stairs and the turn to look at Theon.

''Goodnight, Theon,'' Sansa said, a warm smile on her face. ''Would you tell a guard to escort him back to his chambers? I don't trust him not to stumble and fall on the dirt outside.''

Ramsay scoffed but didn't say anything as Sansa finally headed out.

''If any guard dares to touch me I'll have to stain my clothes with blood. You wouldn't want that, would you?'' He said, barely a whisper.

Theon's jaw clenched as he looked at Jon and Dany getting up, ready to leave.

''Need any help with that?'' Jon asked, looking down at Ramsay with nothing but disgust.

Theon shook his head, also getting up to properly bow at Daenerys.

''Your Grace,'' He said, receiving a warm smile from the woman. ''Jon. Goodnight.''

''Night,'' Jon answered, heading out with Dany by his side.

''Just the two of us. How romantic.'' Ramsay said, slowly getting up and already missing a step, making Theon hold onto his arm and his waist to keep him balanced. With how close they were, Theon could see the faint pink state of Ramsay's cheek and the tip of his nose.

Theon cursed internally as he led Ramsay out of the room and down the halls of the castle until they reached his door. Ramsay was suspiciously quiet during the short trip there. When Theon opened the door to Ramsay's room with his left foot, the man stumbled inside as Theon stood in the doorway.

''Well,'' Theon said, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. ''I think you will be good from here.''

Ramay actually  _pouted_ as he stretched his arms to either side of him.

''You think I will sleep on this clothes? Help me out of them, will you?''

Theon stared at him for a few seconds that felt more like minutes. He could turn around and leave. No one could ever fault him for doing so. One thing was serving his king and bringing him to his chambers in safety. undressing him was another thing entirely. 

And even though Theon had te plain knowledge that he could just  _not do it,_ he found himself entering the room and closing the door behind him as he reached for Ramsay, who was wearing a self-satisfied smile on his lips.

Theon forced his hands to stop shaking so much as he undid the laces of Ramsay's silk vest with Ramsay staring at him all the while. Once that was off, there was only the pink undershirt that had dark droplets of blood all over it. Theon started undoing the buttons as he tried to keep his breathing normalized. Once all of the buttons were undone, Theon stepped back, unable to look away from the sudden expanse of pale skin at his disposal. Ramsay's abdomen was more ripped than he remembered but also not extremely so. He didn't have a single scar on his skin, unlike Theon who was covered in them.

When he looked up again, Ramsay's stare was burning holes into his eyes. He took a step forward and Theon immediately took two steps back, being successfully pinned against the wooden door as Ramsay immediately crossed the space between them.

'' Mhmmm ...'' Ramsay said, shuffling off his shirt, letting it fall down his shoulders. ''See something you like,  _Theon?''_ Again, his name was said in that same dismissive manner.

''May- May I go, Your Grace?" Theon asked, keeping his hands glued to his body. His breathing was coming shortly now, his heart rate picking up.

''It's a shame, really. Sansa looked fucking _delicious_ today. But I guess we can't have all that we want,'' Ramsay's hand move to Theon's sides, giving him light squeezes. '' But there's one thing I want that I'll _definitely_ have.'' 

Ramsay's hands moved from his sie straight to his ass, giving it a hard squeeze as a smile spread across his face, his pointed teeth appearing.

''If I knew you would have such a good ass, I would have let you eat more ofter.'' Ramsay murmured against Theon's ear.

Theon squirmed, his hands flying up to Ramsay's chest to push him away, but the other man was stronger than him and he barely moved an inch.

One of Ramsay's hands came up and lowered the piece of Theon's undershirt that was high on his neck only to put his mouth right above Theon's pulse point and  _suck._

Theon's knees almost gave out on him, and if Ramsay's leg wasn't between his, he might have actually fallen down. His hands clutched at Ramsay's chest, his short nails digging into his skin, making Ramsay growl against his chest.

That sound alone set an unusual fire down in Theon's abdomen and when Ramsay licked at the stop he had sucked a bright purple mark, Theon actually let out a whimper, which he tried to cover with his hand.

'' _No, No_ ,'' Ramsay's voice wasn't more than a whisper, but the way that it was rough made Theon bite at his own lip. What was he doing?! He should push Rasay away, get the hell out of there! ''I want to hear the pretty little sound you make. You may want to 

fight it, but you love it. You love being marked. Being  _owned_ .''

''N-No...''  Theon tried pushing him away again, but with much less force than he used the last time. Ramsay smiled against his throat and let go of the fabric of Theon's undershirt only to come up with a pointy edge of  _something_ against his throat. Theon 

opened his eyes -  _when had he closed them?_ \- to be met with Ramsay holding a small pocket knife to his throat. 

Theon trashed against the door, trying to get away and Ramsay made a frustrated noise on the back of his throat, pushing Theon back at the wooden surface with enough force to knock his head on the hard material, making Theon dizzy for a moment. 

Ramsay placed the knife at the edge of Theon's turtle-neck and cut it right on the middle, making the tissue fall around his neck.

Ramsay immediately attacked Theon's neck again, this time on the other side, and right on the middle of his throat. He licked the skin there first before sinking his teeth in and start sucking.

Theon made a pained noise but his hands were now grabbing at Ramay's shoulders, nails digging in. When Theon let out another whimper, Ramsay grounded his hips against Theon's one and he could feel the hard press of Ramsay's dick through his pants. 

Theon didn't think before he pushed his hips forward and against Ramsay's bulge. Ramsay groaned against his throat and his hand that were still on his ass squeezed again, controlling the movements of Theon's hips.

Theon didn't realize he was panting until Ramsay dislocated himself from his neck, his face flushed and his eyes darker than Theon had ever seen it.

''This is so everyone knows who you belong to,'' Ramsay said in a hushed tone, his voice hoarse. There, Theon seemed to get back to himself because he pushed Ramsay away and this time the man actually went, took by surprise. Theon quickly opened the door and shut it behind him, not looking back once. His heart was trying to explode through his chest and his whole body was trembling. 

This was the first time Theon had felt... Something. Something that could almost compare to what he used to feel when he still had his cock. Theon's hand moved to one bruise on his neck and then the other. It hurt to touch it, but what that Ramsay did that didn't hurt? Theon felt his cheeks burning, and part of him just wanted to come back there and go back to feel that... thing.

But the rational part of him, the part the still hated Ramsay for all that he did, the part that knew the monster that this man was, made him walk away and go back to his room. As he lay down on his bed, his head felt fuzzy and his chest seemed to be on fire, and he knew it wasn't because of the wine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... That was it hehe.  
>  I'm sorry for the lack of.. action between the two of them. I just feel like Theon would give a bit more of a fight before he actually falls into Ramsay's arms.  
>  I promise things will get smutty hehe lol;  
>  Your comments keep me breathing!!! Please tell me what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Lovebirds!!!  
>  Gosh, I am SO sorry for not updating this sooner. Life kicked me in the guts and I swear I tried to deliver this as fast as I could.  
>  Well, here it is, I hope you enjoy it!!  
>  There are some hints as to what will happen on the future of this fic :D

''There you are,'' Ramsay said with a fond voice and a warm smile. One he saved just for them. ''I thought she had killed you by now. Is she feeding you right? I'm sure she isn't. We shall get some  _real_ food for you very soon. Come, now.''

Ramsay opened each of the cells where his girls sat, obediently waiting for more instructions, but their tails were wagging back and forth.

''You better not attack anyone,'' Ramay bit his bottom lip, a small smile forming on his face at the thought of releasing his hounds on Jon Snow. ''Unless I say so, of course.''

Ramsay walked over to the kennels gates and looked back before opening them.

''Come on now, girls.'' He said, opening the metal doors and stepping out, soon followed by his four hounds. He used to have nine of them, but now these four were the only ones remaining. Fortunately, they always were more loyal ones. 

As Ramsay walked through the courtyard, people visibly flinched and quickly diverted their paths. If it was because of Ramsay's person, who was now wearing the same pink undershirt with droplets of blood all over it, and his usual leather vest. But now his figure was even more imposing due to the heavy crown on his head and the red earing that seemed to shine against the faint sunlight, or because of the four huge hounds following him and growling to every person that came to close, it was unknown. 

''They're yours?'' A voice said from behind Ramsay, causing the man to turn around only to be faced with Daenerys, her silver hair embellished with heavy braids on the back os her head and her own crown against her forehead, adorned with red emeralds that harmonised with her red and black vestment.

''Yes,'' Ramsay answered, petting the large head of one his girls that came to his side, while the others remained behind him. ''My loyal beasts. Well, beasts to others, not to me.''

Dany eyed the dog in front of her, a small smile gracing her lips at Ramsay's words.

''Yes. People... Tend to fear what they can't control,'' The woman took a step forward and stopped midtrack as the dog growled and another one came to stand at Ramsay's other side. ''Not very trusting, are they?'' She asked, placing her hands behind her back. Not seeming afraid at all.

Ramsay snorted, his lips curling upwards. 

''I've never seen them let another person pet them. Well, successfully.'' He added, with a mysterious smile. Dany took a second to wonder what had happened to the last person to try, and why the thought brought a smile to the man's lips. Even knowing the stories about the man standing in front of her she found difficult to believe that a person could do all of those awful things and not regret it. 

Right after Ramsay said these words, the heads of the two dogs turned at the same time, as if smelling something. Ramsay and Daenerys followed their gaze to a few steps on their right, where Theon was talking to Jon.

''Gir-,'' Before Ramsay could finish, all four dogs ran towards Theon and Jon. Daenerys eyes widened and she took a step towards the two men, ready to scream Jon's name, but before she could, one of the hounds reached Theon and jumped on top of him, knocking him to the ground. Theon let out a surprised shout, but other than that, he didn't seem to be fighting the dogs at all. Jon took a few steps back when he tried to get to Theon and the dogs growled at him, baring their teeth.

''Are they...!?'' Dany looked at Ramsay, her eyes still impossibly big.

''No,'' Ramsay said, a strange look on his face. ''They know him.''

At that, Ramsay moved towards them, being followed by Daenerys, that when came close enough to the dogs, moved to stand besides Jon and could now have a direct view to what was happening.

There was a genuine smile on Theon's face as he tried to hold off the dog that was now licking his entire face. Dany realized that she had never seen him smile so widely. Actually, she had never seen him smile at all.

''Kyr- Kyra, drop it!'' Theon said, but his voice was fond and boarding on a laugh. At that, one of the dogs grabbed his feet with its mouth, trying to pull him towards her. Then another one jumped at his shoulders, Theon almost falling under the weight.

''Grey Jeyne, hey! Let- Let go!,'' Theon yanked his foot away from her mouth. ''Maude get off of me...!'' Theon finally managed to stand up. The only god that wasn't trying to knock him down again was Red Jeyne- She remained at Ramsay's side as soon as he came close enough again.

Ramsay whistled and at once all three of them were at his side again, still wagging their tails at Theon, though. 

''You said no one could touch them?'' Daenerys said, eying Ramsay with a raised eyebrow and an unimpressed smile.

Ramsay petted Red Jeyne's head as he said, still looking at Theon:

''Well, he's part of their pack. Of course, he can touch them.''

Theon's nostrils flared and he looked down, his body immediately cowering at Ramsay's presence.

''He's... What?'' Jon said, his furrowed brow making him look older.

''Well, he used to sleep with them. I believe he still has a few bite marks on his body, but with time they accepted him.''

Theon visibly flinched at that, his posture slumping even more as he seemed like he wanted to curl in a ball and disappear.

Jon took a step towards Ramsay ad he appeared like he wanted to grab him by the collar but all the four dogs growling at him made him stop.

''You made him sleep with the  _dogs!?''_ He said, his voice barely contained.

''Jon-'' Theon said weakly, but Ramsay interrupted him. 

''It was a privilege, really. You know how it gets cold at night. He could...'' Ramsay stopped to release a little laugh. ''Cuddle with them for warmth. He could have even put little baby Krakens on them, but...'' Ramsay pointedly looked down at Theon's crotch. 

''Well...''

Daenerys' face closed in an instant as she heard Ramsay's words, and Jon nearly jumped at Ramsay.

''You-'' Jon stopped midtrack as Theon hastily turned away and practically bolted from there.

Ramsay followed Theon with his gaze, a satisfied smile on his face.

''Well..... It is always a pleasure,'' Ramsay said, and then turned to Dany, who was looking at him with disgust. ''Your grace. Anytime you want to continue our little conversation.''

At that, Ramsay turned around at left, his hounds following him obediently. 

Theon entered the castle and wandered around without a destination at mind. His thoughts clouded his vision, making him take a deep, calming breath, before continuing to walk down the longs hallways. 

After last night he had though- No, he had  _hoped_ that something had changed in their dynamic. He wasn't sure as to what exactly he was expecting, but it wasn't  _this._ Ramsay humiliating him in front of other people, just like he did back then. Back when Theon was--

No. He wasn't going to think about that. He did his best to try to forget about those times, especially now that a living, walking reminder was now King of the North. He didn't trust himself to indulge such thoughts. Especially after what had happened the first time Ramsay came back to Winterfell. Guilt and shame still resided in his heart at the mere thought to what he had become.

It was like there were two different people inside his head, two  _very_ different people that wanted different things. Theon, he wanted to just  _move on_ , wanted to forget his past and enjoy the future, enjoy the life he got back after so many years being a slave. But this other person, -  _Reek -_ He wanted Ramsay. He wanted that feeling back, that feeling of belonging. That feeling of knowing exactly what he had to do, who he had to be. He wanted to hide from all the nasty looks he received every day from the people of Winterfell, he wanted the safety of knowing that no one could harm him because he  _belonged_ to Ramsay Bolton, and no one dared to touch something that belonged to him. Ever.

And Theon was scared. Scared of breathing, scared of moving. Scared to do anything that might trigger that part of himself, and that that part would win. Would take over and then he would be nothing again. Just like last night. The moment Ramsay touched him  _like that_ , he had lost. He had given up to the feel of his lips, of his possessive hands holding him down, taking control and the sense that he didn't have to do anything. All he had to do was please his mast- _Ramsay_ . 

And gods, Theon knew that he wanted that. Wanted that feeling again, that feeling of giving up control, giving up pretending to be the  _Theon Greyjoy_ everyone expected him to be. There, with Ramsay, he could just  _be._ Without any expectations, without people looking down at him, or people looking at him like he was still that very same person he once was. Because he wasn't. e wasn't the brother Yara knew, he wasn't that smug, brave boy Sansa and Jon had known. He wasn't sure of who he was now, but he knew, deep down, that he wasn't that person. And would never be that person again.

Theon stopped walking and looked around, realising he was in front of the library. Without thinking, he walked in, taking in the surroundings. He never came here, not when he lived here, nor when he was Ramsay's captive. He just had better things to do than to sit down and read books.

''Theon.'' A voice said from behind one of the shelves. Theon followed the voice and fund Bran sitting in front of one of the windows, staring at him. There weren't any books in the boy's hands.

''Bran,'' Theon said, coming closer. ''How did you know I was here?''

Bran didn't answer, only stared at him, as he could see right through him. Hell, maybe he could.

''Did you find out who were those man that saved you that night?'' Bran asked, but it didn't sound like a question. It was like he already knew the answer.

Theon swallowed and came closer to the boy, pulling a chair to sit in front of him. 

''They were Bolton's soldiers. I don't know who sent them though.''

''Don't you?'' Bran said. Again, even though he phrased it like a question, it didn't sound like one at all.

Theon looked down, not managing to keep looking at the boy in the eyes. It was unsettling, knowing that the kid he saw grow up now was a... God? Being? Theon wasn't sure.

''Well, I-''

''Ramsay Bolton sent them,'' Bran said, still not showing any emotion at all. ''But I think you already knew that.''

''I suspected. I don't know why, though.'' Theon said, frowning.

''Mhm...'' Bran was still staring at him. ''You could ask him. The two of you seem rather... Close.''

Theon's head darted up. His eyes grew wide as he opened and closed his mouth, unsure of what to say. Did Bran knew...? Did he see Theon and Ramsay last time? Or the time before that?

''Calm down. I won't tell Sansa. Although I think it is only fair of me to tell you that this is a very dangerous path you are leading.''

''Dangerous-''

''But you shouldn't feel guilty of feeling what you feel towards him. Sometimes, when people spend too much time being someone else's captive, they tend to... Develop a feeling towards them. Unhealthy feelings, but feelings nonetheless.''

''I- How do you know that?'' Theon said, trying to change the subject. He wasn't ready to admit that to himself and was  _definitely_ not ready to talk about it to Bran, of all people.

''I've seen it happen,'' At Theon's questioning look, Bran added. ''Not personally.''

''Ah...'' Theon was unsure of what to say. ''Thank you Bran, But I don't think that's the case here. I don't feel anything towards him.'' 

Bran stared at him for a long time, long enough that it got awkward. Theon cleared his throat and before he ould offer t move Bran somewhere else, the boy spoke:

'' You are a good man, Theon. But sometimes we don't choose the people we love.''

_Love? What!?_

''Bran... I- I don't...''

''You are not ready to accept it yet. But you will. Just remember who he is and if it is worth doing bad things to people for him.''

''Doing bad- What will I do? What are you-''

'' I should go. Remember what I said.'' And then Bran's eyes rolled to the back of his head and Theon was left staring at white eyes.

Sansa walked out of the gates of Winterfell and was immediately met with two pairs of eyes tracking her every move. The woman stopped, cloak fluttering behind her because of the strong wind.

Drogon stared at her, a pile of incinerated bones at its feet. Sansa could see him a thousand times and still be amazed by him.  Drogon flapped his wings, his head descending to her weight as he analyzed her. Sansa felt the beginnings of fear as the large dragon seemed to decide either eat her or not.

Suddenly the dragon's eyes moved to something behind her and his entire posture seemed to relax. Sansa followed its gaze and was met by the sight of Daenerys coming ner her, stopping beside her and staring lovingly at the creature.

''He won't do anything to you,'' The woman said, her gaze finally turning to Sansa. ''He only kills people when I command him, these days. It wasn't always like that, though.''

''I imagine that training a dragon isn't a simple task.''

That got a laugh from the woman, her smile impossibly warm.

''It  really isn't. His brothers were always more... cooperative.'' Dany's eyes lost a little bit of their light at the mention of her other dragons. Sansa felt a pang of pity as she said:

''I am sorry for them. You dragons. At least both men who killed them are dead too.''

Dany turned to her, a curious frown on her face.

''Is Euron Greyjoy dead? I heard he managed to escape the attack on Kings Landing.''

''He did!?'' Sansa asked, her voice raising little.

Dany nodded, her gaze returning to Drogon who was still staring at the both of them.

''I wish I had killed him. I would make it slow. But men like him... They don't die that easily.''

Sansa nodded, her face closing.

''They  really don't.'' She said, her voice cold.

At that, Dany looked over at her for a brief moment.

''You think you'll be safe here with him?''

Sansa sighed, biting her lip.

'' He won't hurt me. He won't risk losing all this power he has now only for the joy of it. I'll have to keep him under control, though. There are families in the North who didn't approve of their new king. Small houses, but still.''

''There will always be people who won't accept what it is. I wish you good fortune for that matter. Now,'' Dany smiled again, her face seemed to glow when she did that, and for a moment Sansa remembered of Margaery, who had the same trait. ''You want to touch him?''

Sansa's eyes widened, her gaze turning to Drogon.

''Touch him? He won't-''

''No. After Jon, he seems rather... Docile with the people around me. People he knows won't try to hurt his mother. But only  in my company. If anyone tries to touch him while I'm not around...''

''I see,'' Sansa said, taking a cautious step towards Drogon. ''Do it first.''

Dany smiled and raised her hand, Drogon automatically lowering his head to touch her palm. 

''Take your glove off,'' Dany said, an encouraging smile on her face.

Sansa did as told, and soon she was raising her hand besides Daenerys's and as soon as her palm touched Drogon, right between his nostrils, her hand was suddenly warm.

''He's so... Warm.''

''He is. '' Dany said, taking her hand off and looking fondly at Sansa.

''Sansa?'' 

Sansa took her hand away from Drogon and they both turned around to see Theon approaching. He seemed troubled. 

''Theon, come closer,'' Sansa said, a warm smile on her face at the sight of her. Her chest felt warm all over.

Theon eyed Drogon and stayed right where he was, a few feet away from them.

''It's alright. You can get close.'' Dany said, noticing the way the man seemed disturbed.

Theon took a few steps closer, and stood besides Sansa, keeping her between him and Dany. Drogon's eyes moved to Theon's form and he appeared to be analyzing him.

''Take off your glove. You can touch him. Like this.'' Dany touched the dragon on the curve of its lips.

''Ah- I don't think that-''

''Try it. It's marvellous.'' Sansa said, her eyes not leaving Theon's face since he arrived.

''Ah...'' Theon took off his right hand's glove and slowly lifted his hand, his heartbeat accelerating. His hand wasn't even touching the animal but he could already feel the warmth of its skin. When he finally placed his palm o the same spot that Sansa had, the heat of it was almost uncomfortable, except for the fact that it was simply amazing.  _He was touching a dragon._

As soon as he touched Drogon, the dragon's nostrils flared and he let out a puff of breath that made Theon's hair flutter and his face feel hot.  Theon let out a slight breath of laugh and looked at Sansa, who was watching him, and as soon as their eyes met, her cheeks and the tip of her nose turned red as she smiled back at him.

Theon took a moment to wonder about  _that_ but was soon out of his mind as Drogon's head moved up and out of his grasp and the dragon flapped his wings once, twice before taking off, making the three of them take a step back to ground themselves. 

''He's... Astounding,'' Theon said, looking back at Dany, who was watching her  dragon fly away with a fond smile on her face.

''He  really is,'' Sansa added, and looking at Daenerys right now, she could see why his brother would fall in love with her. For the first time, Sansa admitted that she might have been wrong about the woman.

''Are you alright?'' Daenerys asked, turning to Theon. ''He was out of line back then. The way you left-'' Dany stopped talking at the look on Theon's face as his eyes grew wide and he looked between Sansa and Dany.

''What? Who was out of line?'' Sansa looked at Theon, her brow furrowed. ''Did something happened?''

Dany raised her eyebrows and looked down, as if the ground covered in snow was suddenly very interesting. 

''No, it-''

''Theon.'' Sansa interrupted. ''What happened?''

Theon slowly pulled the glove back on his hand, but neither Dany or Sansa missed the way his little finger was cut in half.

''Just- Rams- My King, he said some things... It is fine, really.'' Theon said, shifting from one foot to the other, his hand unconsciously pulling his turtle neck higher on his neck to hide the two marks there left by Ramsay.

''What  _things?_ '' Sansa asked, her voice with barely contained anger.

''Sansa, please,'' Theon pleaded, looking at her with eyes full of sadness. ''Don't.''

Sansa took a deep breath and nodded, her eyes closing for a few seconds.

''Just- If he is bothering you, or... Or going after you in any way... Please, tell me.''

Theon stayed quiet for a moment and could almost feel the guilty clawing its way to his heart.

''Of course.''

Shortly after that, Theon changed his clothes, taking off his armour and grabbing his bow and arrow and then heading for the stables, choosing a horse. In the end, he decided for the white one that seemed the most amicable. 

He caught a glimpse of Jon talking to Sansa and then in the far corner Yara and Daenerys, seeming rather... Close for a normal conversation, but then again, that was just the way his sister was.

As his horse ran towards the woods, Theon felt a surge of freedom he hadn't felt ever since the last time he was on a ship with his sister, watching the moonlight against the ocean. He allowed himself to take a deep breath right before entering the woods, soon being engulfed in the trees so that even the faint sunlight didn't pass through the leaves of the highest trees around him.

His purpose wasn't to come out here to hunt, but he brought his bow in case of coming across some animal that would serve the dinner when the sun set on the sky. 

Finally slowing down his horse, Theon looked around, even these woods bringing unwanted memories, but Theon needed to get out of Winterfell to think, think about what Bran told him.

What had he meant by Theon doing bad things to people for Ramsay? As if Theon would hurt innocent people for him. Well, would he? Theon knew, deep down, that he could never actually hurt Ramsay. Or kill him, for that matter. But would he hurt other people  in order to protect him?

Well, he was the King in the North now, so if someone were to try to harm him, Theon would have to intervene. But that was the only reason?

The thought of Ramsay being hurt was just  _wrong_ in Theon's head. Ramsay was the one who did the hurting, the one with the knife in the hand, not the other way around. But Theon was sure that that were people in the North who would like to be the ones to kill the Bastard of Bolton. Even now, that he was their King. Ramsay had hurt so many people, that killed and flayed fathers of families, families that now would have to answer to him.

If it came to that, would Theon actually kill the people who were just trying to avenge their families? This was a question that Theon never wanted to know the answer for.

And what Bran said about people developing sentiments about their captor...  Theon wasn't naive. He knew that he felt  _something_ for Ramsay, but that wasn't love. It couldn't be. Theon's first introduction to love was Ned and Catelyn's marriage. There was no way that Theon could have that with someone. And there was no way that he could feel what Ned and Cat felt for each other towards the man who tortured him. It was wrong, almost as if the mere thought of it was disrespectful to Ned's memory.

Theon heard a sudden noise to his left, and his horse started to get antsy. Theon dismounted and tied the horse to a nearby tree, taking out his bow and placing an arrow and pointing it in the general direction of the sound.

Theon's steps were calculated, he was careful not to step on any branch on his way, and he levelled his breathing, hearing for any sounds. His knees were bent down as he approached the tree that the sound had come from. 

Before he could even react, he heard a stick-breaking behind him, and as he went to turn around, an arm wrapped itself around his throat and a hand twisting his arm, causing him to yelp and drop his bow. He tried to kick his aggressor's legs, but the other man was impossibly stronger than him and forced his legs open with one of his own. The arm around his neck grew tighter as Theon struggled against its hold, and soon enough he was out of air. Theon opened his mouth and gasped loudly as he tried and failed to breathe.

Desperate, Theon's hands went to the forearm against his throat, scratching at it, but with no success due to his gloves.

''I- I can't...  _argh I can't... breathe...!''_ Theon managed to say, and the arm around his neck blessedly let go and he was pushed forwards, almost hitting his face on the tree if it wasn't for his hands stopping the impact.

After taking a deep, shuddering breath, Theon turned around only to find Ramsay standing there, with his hunting clothes and looking at Theon with a pleased little smile.

''What- What is  _wrong_ with you!?'' Theon nearly yelled, his hands rubbing his sore throat.

Ramsay raised his eyebrows at Theon's words, his smile fading from his lips.

''Getting a little loose-lipped, are we?'' Ramay said, taking a step towards Theon. ''Do I need to remind you what happens with disrespectful people?''

Theon gulped, making his hands into fists to stop them from trembling.

_Apologize, apologize and beg for his forgiveness and maybe he won't punish you._

Theon shook his head, taking a step towards Ramsay making the man tilt his head to the side, narrowing his eyes.

''I'm not going to stand around and let you do whatever you want with me,'' Theon said, proud of how his voice didn't tremble.

Ramsay stared at him for a few seconds before releasing a short laugh.

''But that's just what you are here to do.''

Theon's jaw clenched and he forced himself to not drop his gaze to the ground.

''I'm here to protect Queen Sansa. That is what I'm here to do.''

Ramsay snarled, taking a sudden step towards Theon, making the man back away out of pure instinct.

''Do not tempt me,  _Theon._ You don't want to get on my nerves, especially after what you did.''

''What  _I did!? Saving the girl I grew up with from being raped and beaten every day!?''_ Theon did yell this time, his heart beating way too fast.

''I'm not fucking talking about Sansa!  _You_ escaped. You were  _mine,''_ Ramsay too another step and now Theon had his bac pressed to the very tree Ramsay had nearly slammed him into a few minutes earlier. ''And you went away to do  _fuck-knows-what_ !''

''I went away to  _live!_ I went away because I had to save Sansa and if I came back without her, you-'' Theon stopped mid-track, now that he started talking he couldn't seem to stop and he had to.

Ramsay's arm moved too fast for Theon to see, and all he could do was hold his breath as Ramsay's fist came straight to his face-- And connected itself to the tree's surface besides Theon's head.

''It doesn't  _matter_ what I would  _do!_ You had to come back, come back to me!''

Theon's whole body was trembling now, Ramsay was close, too close, and he was mad. Everything inside Theon screamed that he had to get on his knees, ask for forgiveness, say that he  _wanted_ to come back, all those nights away from him and all Theon could think about at night was that a part of him wanted to come back.

But instead, Theon dropped his head and stood there, shaking, waiting to see what Ramsay would do. Ramsay's fist was still near his head and both men were panting now. Ramsay has this crazy look on his eyes, the one he always had when he was especially angry or excited. The look that Theon feared the most.

The few seconds they stood there seemed to last a whole hour, but sure enough, they heard horses coming closer and the sound of hounds barking. Ramsay cursed and stepped away from him just in time to his men to get to them, a deer strapped on the back of one of their horses. Ramsay's hounds came right after and immediately went for their master.

Theon closed his eyes for a few seconds, and when he opened them again, one of the girls was staring at him, right at his feet.

''Hey Kyra,'' Theon said, his voice barely a whisper.

''Get on the fucking horse. We're coming back. These woods are dangerous and you're not staying here alone.'' Ramsay snapped at him before mounting his  own horse that one of his men brought him. 

Without a word, Theon turned around and got to his horse, and as soon as he mounted, he speeded up ahead of the others, feeling the winds against his face as he tried his hardest not to cry. His chest was tight and all he wanted was to be able to vomit all those awful feelings writhing upon his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, did you take the hints??? Heheh, not spoiling anything.  
>  Your comments keep me alive!!! Please tell me what you think!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH?? MY?? GOD??  
>  IT'S BEEN A MONTH, A WHOLE F*CKING MONTH AND I AM SO SORRY.  
>  Seriously, life had been suckingeven more than before, but NOW I'm taking my meds and hopefully I'll post more often. I WON'T MAKE YOU GUYS WAIT ANOTHER MONTH I PROMISE.  
>  Okay, so. This chapter is kinda uhhh   
>  This is Thramsay, people. As much as I want to make their relationship more healthy, this is still Ramsay and until he realizes that this isn't the Theon that escaped him... He is gonna try to bring him back by force...  
>  This chapter contains: Mentions of rape/non con, mentions of past abuse, violence, mind control.
> 
> ART IS FROM : https://shackknight.tumblr.com/ // @glicin.forte (instagram)

Things had been going smoothly for a few weeks now. Daenerys had returned to Kings Landing along with Jon and Bran, and Yara had left for the Iron Islands a few days later, biding her goodbyes to Sansa telling her that the punch she gave Ramsay was her '' _ wedding gift _ '' to the new queen, and then trying to get Theon to leave with her once again.

The Northern Lords had all gone back to their houses with Ramsay's promise that rations would be delivered to them in the next couple of days.

In summary, things had been going well. More than well, actually. Sansa and Ramsay rarely had any fights, Sansa seemed to prefer to only acknowledge Ramsay's presence when they had to deal with matters concerning the North, and on official dinners. Other than that, the queen ignored him and moved on with her life. They had separated chambers and even though that seemed to have become the new gossip on the North, it wasn't an actual matter.  _ Yet _ , anyways.

So even though things were just fine, each day that passed Theon grew more agitated. Ramsay had been actively ignoring him since that day in the woods, and even though that  _ should  _ be a relief to Theon, the man couldn't stop himself from being anxious and even a little annoyed. Ramsay  _ had _ to be plotting something.

The man was clearly enjoying the benefits of being a King. When he wasn't with his hounds, he was ' _ hunting _ ' with two of his group that survived the Battle of the Bastards, Damon and Skinner. When they arrived in Winterfell a few days after all the guests had left, Theon was in shock. Those men often helped Ramsay with his sick games and they were also the men who held him down when Ramsay had cut off his cock.

Every time they crossed paths, Damon gave him a sick little smirk, one that Theon desperately wanted to punch away. Skinner, on the other hand, just ignored him. Another thing was that Theon instantly recognized Damon as being the man who held him down that night at the Gods Woods. The one who saved his life and said  _ ''You are not dying today. Not on my watch.''.  _ Honestly, Theon didn't know how he didn't recognize him that night.

Ramsay also seemed to be receiving visits at night from some girls that worked on the establishments in the nearest village. Not all of them came back, though.

Theon desperately wanted to confront Ramsa, ask him what the hell h was planning, but at the same time, he  _ knew _ he should be grateful from the break he was getting. If Ramsay wanted to act like a spoiled child and ignore him until the end of his days? Then so be it.

Theon managed to hold that attitude for a few weeks. Honestly, he should be proud of himself for how long he managed to endure this silent treatment. Even when he was away from Ramsay after he escaped Winterfell, he still heard the man's voice every single night, he still had to fight the urge to  _ come back home. _ The fact that Theon's mind considered Ramsay  _ home _ was something that the man decided to ignore. Along with other things.

The thing that was getting to him the most was the fact that he felt  _ guilty. _ Ramsay's words at the woods had hit too close to home. Something inside of Theon simply couldn't bear the thought that Ramsay was  _ disappointed  _ with him. Angry? Sure. He was used to that. Disappointed? That was something else entirely. That meant that whatever Theon had done or said made him  _ sad _ . Ramsay being sad was just wrong, especially so when Theon was the reason he was feeling that.

So, when night came and Theon marched towards Ramsay's chambers in just his loose white undershirt like some unknown force dragged him from the bed, Theon couldn't blame himself. At least that was what he was telling himself, anyway. That he didn't have a choice but to come to Ramsay.

His fist banged against the wooden door and he only had to wait for a few moments before the door was burst open by a very shirtless Ramsay. Theon licked his lips and felt a warm feeling across his chest and he couldn't help himself when his eyes trailed down Ramsay's body, from his chest down to his defined abdomen and then to the V shape of his hips where his pants were low.

The second Ramsay saw him, his smirk dropped and his posture straightened, his shoulders rolling back and his head held high. Without even noticing it, Theon's posture lowered.

''Ah. It's  _ you,''  _ Ramsay said, his tone flat just like his face.

''Were you expecting somebody else?'' Theon asked, feeling just a tiny bit annoyed at Ramsay's reaction. Still  _ nothing.  _ Like Theon was just an unknown annoying man who kept trying to get his attention. Like Theon didn't mean anything to him.

''Well, yes, actually.'' Ramsay said, looking Theon up and down, his eyes stopping briefly at the exposed patch of skin on Theon's chest, where it was covered in scars, just like the rest of his body. Theon feltlike he was naked under that intense stare. He didn't hate the feeling, though.

''Well then I, uh, will be quick about it,'' Theon said, stumbling through his words because  _ what the hell _ was he going to say!? Sure, Ramsay was ignoring his existence and that was pissing Theon off for reasons he couldn't seem to understand, but what was he going to do? Ask Ramsay to pay attention to him? That was ridiculous. This whole situation was.

Ramsay stood still on his doorway, not seeming to have any intentions on letting Theon into his room. Theon looked around nervously, checking to see if someone was walking down the hallways.

Ramsay sighed and took a step back, extending his arm towards his room with a raised brow and an expression that clearly said:  _ Well go on, then.  _ Theon went in without a second thought, and perhaps he should have given the thought of being alone in a room with Ramsay Bolton in the middle of the night a little more consideration. 

''Well then. What is it,  _ Theon _ ?'' Ramsay said his name like he was talking about a particular nasty subject. 

_ '' _ I- What are Damon and Skinner doing here?'' That was definitely not what Theon meant to say, but he panicked and needed  _ something  _ to say to not just stand there in the middle of the room staring at Ramsay without saying anything.

Ramsay narrowed his eyes and stared at him for a few seconds, enough for Theon to become very uncomfortable.

''Is that why you came here in the middle of the night? To ask me why my men are here?'' Ramsay asked, his voice low as he walked closer to Theon, forcing the man to take a few steps back until he couldn't anymore because of Ramsay's bed behind him. 

Theon was beginning to think it was a terrible mistake coming here, after all.

''I- I should go-'' Theon said, his hands trembling slightly as he tried to look anywhere but at Ramsay.

''Oh,  _ Theon.  _ I thought you knew not to keep secrets from me.'' Ramsay said, a few steps away from Theon ad now with a sick smile on his lips. ''So, do tell me.  _ Why  _ did you come here, huh?'' Ramsay's voice raised a little at the end of the phrase and it hit Theon like a whip.

''Why are you ignoring me?'' Theon spat out. Oh, that didn't come off right at all, and Theon knew this the second Ramsay's face turned into a full smile and his eyes seemed to glint.

'' _ 'Why are you ignoring me?' _ . What is the matter, pet? Feeling a little bit left out? Want me to stroke your hair and tell you how much of a good boy you've been?'' Ramsay asked, letting out a humourless laugh.

''That's not- What are you planning? You're always plotting something, and your men keep giving me these  _ smiles _ and stares and I don't know what to think anymore!'' Theon lashed out, the fear being overtaken by his rage and confusion.

Ramsay's face contorted into the familiar way it always did when Theon did or said something wrong. He took another step towards Theon.

''And you think that if I was  _ plotting  _ something I would tell you just because you came here and yelled at me? That is not a smart move, pet.'' 

_ ''I'm not your pet!''  _ Theon yelled, his hand balling into fists, his heart rate picking up. This was... This was new. Actually fighting with Ramsay, telling him what he thinks. It was nice. ''What do you  _ want _ from me!? You can't just stalk me and then decide to ignore me and leave me waiting for you to change your mind!''

Theon didn't see it coming, he just felt the sharp pain of the backhanded slap that Ramsay gave him. Theon stumbled a few steps to his right and didn't fell down only because he supported himself on the bed with his hand that wasn't clutching at his face.

''You don't get to tell me what to do,'' Ramsay snarled. ''Get the fuck out of here.''

Theon straightened himself up and let his hand fall, rolling his shoulders back and staring Ramsay down. He felt like he was on fire, the adrenaline of it not letting him fell the pain on his face. 

''No,'' Theon said, causing Ramsay to clench his jaw. ''Not until you tell me what is it that you are planning. Is it about Sansa? Are you-''

This time Theon did see it coming, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. Ramsay was too fast, too strong. The punch connected itself to the other side of Theon's face, this time making the man fall, right onto Ramsay's bed. His legs were completely off the bed. Theon groaned and tried to roll off onto his side to get up, but Ramsa got on top of him, straddling his hips as he held both of Theon's arms in one hand on top of Theon's head and his other hand grabbed Theon's face, hard enough to make the man squirm.

''There's no fucking  _ plan. _ I don't have to plot anything, I have everything I want,'' Ramsay stopped there, looking down at Theon fighting his hold. ''Well, almost everything. You don't talk about  _ Sansa _ with me, do you hear me? You'll worry about your little red-haired bitch another place.'' 

Theon tried to kick Ramsay, but his legs were off the bed, so he just couldn't reach him. Ramsay smiled down at him, a terrifying sight that made Theon's heart pound hard on his chest.

Ramsay's hand that was holding Theon's face moved to the man's throat and squeezed har, making Theon gasp and struggled more against Ramsay's hand and managing to free one of his hands, immediately slapping Ramsay's face, which only made the man growl and squeeze his neck harder. Theon created a distance between his hand and Ramsay's face and before the other man could even react, he delivered a punch to the man's face, causing him to loosen up his hold on Theon's throat and his other hand and making it easier to Then to push him away from him.

Ramsay stumbled back from Theon, his hand on the side of his face, massaging his nose that luckily wasn't broken, just sore. is eyes were wide and  _ angry _ , his lips contorted in an ugly scowl.

Theon got up from the bed and his body immediately curled forwards, he supported his hands on his thighs as he coughed. There was a knock at the door the moment Ramsay beginning to walk back in Theon's direction. The man grunted and rolled his eyes, turning around to walk to the door. Theon launched in the direction of the door, but before he could make it there, Ramsay grabbed him and pushed him against the wall beside the door, making Theon's head thump against the stone wall. Theon took a large inhale of air as his vision blacked out. He tried supporting himself with his hands pressed against the wall but fell anyways, landing on the ground with a groan, his hands going straight to his eyes.

Ramsay opened the door and his body was hidden by it.

''Go away,'' Ramsay said his voice nothing but a growl.

''But- You told me to come here at-'' The girl dressed in nothing but some transparent layers said, her voice slightly panicked.

''I said. Go.  _ Away. _ '' Ramsay said, narrowing his eyes at the brunette girl with green eyes. The girl only nodded once before scurrying down the hallway with hurried steps.

The door closed with a loud  _ thud _ and Theon's vision was slowly returning to normal. He saw Ramsay's legs before him and suddenly his body was being pulled upwards. Theon's legs almost gave out under him and the only thing holding him up was Ramsay's hands balled into fists on his shirt and the fact that he was being pressed up against the wall.

''How dare you strike  _ me?''  _ Ramsay said, his eyes scanning Theon's face, that ugly frown still on his face.

Theon stretched against his chest with his bare nails, since he wasn't wearing his gloves. His nine fingers dug into Ramsay's chest and left red angry scratches behind. Instead of punching him again, Ramsay's smiled at that, a sick, twisted smile that only illuminated by the candle lights made him look particularly diabolical.

''Oh, you should know by now that this doesn't bother me, pet.'' Ramsay leaned into his personal space and whispered right into his ear. ''I sure do remember how you used to scratch me wit those dirty little nails of yours when I was-''

Theon's chest constricted as pure fury seemed to flood through his veins at Ramsay's words. Theon's knee went up and against Ramsay's groin, making the man yell and let go of Theon, taking a few steps back with his hands on his crotch. 

''Don't-'' Theon took a deep breath, trying to calm down his heartbeat. He felt like there was not enough air in the room and everything inside his head was screaming at him to  _ apologize, apologize, apologize _ . ''How can you talk about- You're a  _ monster _ .''

Ramsay smiled, but his eyes were filled with rage.

''Oh, but you took it so well,  _ pet _ . You certainly did better than that Queen of yours. At least you weren't so whiny about it,'' Ramsay crowded into Theon's space again as he said. ''At least I got a few moans from you, didn't I? Not so much from Sansa, tho-''

Theon crossed the distance between them in one swift motion and raised his fist, directing it at Ramsay's face but before he could touch him, Ramsay grabbed his arm and twisted it, leaving it in a position that only a simple twist could break it. Theon groaned in pain and tried to slap him off with his other hand, but Ramsay was faster and grabbed his throat, pushing him once again against the wall, not squeezing it enough to cut Theon's circulation of air, but enough to make him stay still.

''This is what makes you angry, huh? But you could've stopped it, couldn't you? You were _ right there _ , weren't you?''

''No, I- I couldn't-'' Theon gasped, Sansa's screams and cries echoing in his head.

''You  _ could _ ,'' Ramsay, his hand around Theon's throat finally squeezing hard enough to make Theon gasp. ''But you wouldn't. You  _ didn't want to. _ You'd rather watch your pretty little Sansa  _ scream  _ than to see me die.''

''No- Stop...  _ Please- _ '' Theon chocked as his vision blacked out from Ramsay's grasp on his throat. He could feel himself losing grasp of reality, losing grasp of  _ himself _ and there was nothing he could do to stop it. It was just so easy, so easy to just let go. Theon wasn't feeling anything anymore, all his senses were focused on Ramsay's voice, so soothing, so  _ close. _

''You could've killed me that night,  _ Theon _ ,'' Ramsay said his name like a mockery like it was a joke and Theon was beginning to believe him. The grip on his throat loosed just a tiny bit, but Theon didn't try to get as much air as he could, like his body was telling him to, he just let the words wash over him. He wasn't feeling  _ anything. _ All the guilt, the anxiety, the  _ fear _ . It was all gone. The funny thing is, Ramsay's hand was on his throat but right now he felt like he could  _ breathe _ again after a long time underwater. 

''But you wouldn't, would you? You could  _ never _ kill me. I  _ made  _ you,'' Ramsay's hands left his body in order to grab his shirt and then proceed to rip it open, tearing the fabric apart. The shirt fell off of one of Theon's shoulders, exposing his scarred skin to the cold air. Theon fell on his knees and looked up at Ramsay, eyes full of tears as he waited. Waited for what?

_ Your punishment.  _

__ Oddly enough, the thought comforted Theon more than anything. At least this was  _ something. _ Ramsay was there, looking down at him with his lips parted and his chest moving in time with his quick intakes of air. 

Slowly, Ramsay knelt with one knee on the ground and the other up, besides Theon's body. His hand came up and lifted his chin with his index finger while his thumb stroked Theon's bottom lip.

Ramsay smiled down at Theon, accessing the bruises on the other side of his face, his bruised cheek and the light purple that was beneath his eye and the way his neck was slowly but surely beginning to bruise. His other hand that wasn't on Theon's face traced the lines of Theon's scars on his collarbones ad down to the exposed skin of his chest. Ramsay seemed lost for a minute, staring into Theon's eys but like he wasn't there like he was lost in thoughts.

''You're perfect, aren't you?'' Ramsay murmured, more to himself that to Theon, but Theon's heart still accelerated at the praise, his chest feeling warm all over as a single tear escaped his eye and ran down his cheek. He felt  _ whole. _

__

_ ' _

_ ''Get on your knees.'' _

_ Reek slowly sank to the floor, his whole body trembling. He had disappointed his master, he was a bad, bad dog. He deserved punishment. _

_ ''Give me your hand.'' _

_ Reek swallowed any noise he could make and lifted his bandaged had up. Ramsay roughly took his hand and Reek couldn't stop the choked out gasp that escaped his lips at that. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his hand, waiting for the inevitable to come.  _

_ Suddenly he felt a warm hand being placed on top of his, with minimal pressure applied as to not force his already injured hand. Reek opened his eyes and looked up at Ramsay when the man said: _

_ ''I forgive you.'' _

_ Reek's eyes widened as he looked up at his master, a kind, sweet smile gracing his beautiful face. Reek's lips parted and his eyes filled with tears as he slumped forwards and leaned his face in his master's thigh, repeating his thanks over and over again. _ _ What had he done to deserve such a kind, forgiving master? _

Theon blinked as the flashback faded away and he realized he had his forehead on Ramsay's chest and a small smile on his lips, still feeling warm over Ramsay's praise. Ramsay's hand was now in his hair, stroking it gently.

Theon raised a hand to his face in order to wipe away a few more tears that had fallen down, but his hand bumped against one of the bruises on his face and he flinched, only now that the pain was coming to him, flooding his senses.

Ramsay had  _ beaten _ him. He had- He had joked about the night he made Theon watch him raping Sansa.  _ Sansa. His friend, his sister. _ He had even mentioned the time when he raped  _ him. _ It was only one time, he had fought with his father and came back to the room drunk with him in there cleaning things up and then-

No. No, this was wrong  _ what was he doing? _ Why was he feeling comfortable,  _ safe _ , in the arms of the man that did all those horrible things to him?  _ What was wrong with him? _

__ Theon jumped to his feet, almost knocking Ramsay off to the ground and sprinted towards the door, opening and getting the hell out of that room. But before he could close the door, he heard Ramsay's voice:

''You can run as much as you like, pet. You'll always come back to me and you know it.''

Theon slammed the door shut and ran towards his room, ignoring the few alarmed maids that crossed his path. Once he got there, he closed the door and locked it for good measure.

As he sat down on his bed, he took off his torn-off shirt and threw it to the floor, leaning back against the headboard and bringing his knees up to his chest, laying his head between his knees.

What in the name of all Gods, was wrong with him? Why did he felt safe with Ramsay? Why did he felt more peaceful in the time he spent in his room than the rest of the week without him? 

_ ''You're perfect, aren't you?'' _

Just remembering this made Theon's chest contract and his heartbeat raise, his lips letting out a small huff of breath that sounded too much like a laugh.

No, no,  _ no.  _ He couldn't. This was the same feeling he used to feel when one of the whores he fucked came around his cock and praised him. But that was wrong because this was  _ Ramsay. _ He couldn't,  _ shouldn't _ feel this way about him.

Theon clenched at his chest, his nails digging into the skin as he sobbed, shaking his head against his knees, whole body trembling.  _ What was wrong with him!? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I did some resarch on Stockholm Syndrome, and these are some of the symptoms Theon has since the first chapter:  
>  post-traumatic stress  
>  flashbacks  
>  anxiety  
>  nightmares ( in his time away from Ramsay after he escaped)  
>  being startled easily  
>  paranoia


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....Holy shit?  
>  I am SO, SO SORRY. I wish I had a decent explanation, but it was the usual. Life sucks and author's block. I knew exactly what I wanted to happen in this chapter but I just couldn't write it!!! It's been a month and ughh I'm so sorry.  
>  I PROMISE I'll try to uptade it sooner. Things are finally getting where I wanted them to get so from now on it will be easier to write it.  
>  I swear I'm not leaving his fic behind, I love it so much.  
>  Please, tell me what you think <3  
>  (I'm sorry for any erros, I started writing this 1 A.M. and now it's 5 A.M.)

Theon's face wasn't that badly bruised the morning after, but the second Sansa got ahold of him on dinner - He had been avoiding her the whole day for that exact reason - She had put a hand on his face, delicate enough not to hurt him, and asked him with a concerned look what had happened. Theon, of course, hadn't told her the truth even though he had felt awful about lying to her -  _ again _ . He had said it had been a fight in a nearby pub and that  _ ''It was nothing, really.'' _

That day after he hadn't seen Ramsay anywhere. Not that he was looking for him,  _ of course. _ But still, he had felt uneasy, waiting for the worst.

When nothing happened a day after that, Theon tried to tell himself that it was over. But of course, he couldn't fool himself; Nothing with Ramsay was always over.

He had had nightmares after that night, too. It was only two days, but the visions always consisted of Ramsay dying by the hands of his own hounds. All the nightmares were pretty explicit so Theon woke up two nights in a row with shortness of breath and cold sweat in his body. The second night he decided to get up, his heart beating so fast that he knew it would be impossible to fall back asleep. And he  _ definitely  _ didn't want to experience another one of his flashbacks, he was having those several times in a day, so much that he had to keep himself busy the whole day in fear that if he relaxed even for a second, it would happen again. The worst part of it was that every time it happened, his mind was elsewhere, reliving the memories but his body remained where he was, unmoving and staring straight ahead. He was sure some people around Winterfell were talking about how he had finally lost his mind.

Theon put on his boots in a haze, trowing only a cloak to keep him safe from the cold outside and then he stepped out of his room. All of his senses were telling him to go to Ramsay's room, to make sure he was alright. But all he had to do was touch his face, right on his cheekbone or chew on his bottom lip and feel the pain that Ramsay's fist had left him to know that that wasn't a good idea. That he might not be able to walk out of the room this time around.

So instead he walked through the dark corridors barely seeing a thing. He was lucky that he by now knew this walls better than anyone here, or else he might'ven had gotten lost. He reached the courtyard after a few minutes, the cold winds making him shiver and try to wrap the cloak more tightly around himself. After that, it was easy to get to the kneels. It was a path that was almost attached to his mind by now. When he opened the metal doors the hounds hustled, growling in the face of an intruder, but after Theon shushed them and closed the doors in order to be able to let them out of their cages, the girls settled, waging their tails excitedly knowing who it was. It wasn't uncommon for Theon to arrive late at night in the kneels back then so the girls got used to it after a while.

After opening all the cages, he went to the far wall next to the last cages and sat down, bringing his knees up to his chest and carefully shoving Maude and Kyra off of him while Red Jeyne and Grey Jeyne paced through the kennels as if they were waiting for someone.

Theon leaned his head back, letting it thump against the stone wall as he closed his eyes. He didn't dare try to sleep here, but even if he wanted to, he couldn't. His thoughts just weren't  _ shutting the hell up. _

__ Honestly, Theon still didn't understand it, and if someone asked he wouldn't be able to explain it. How could your own  _ thoughts _ scream at you? How he couldn't control something that was inside of his own head? 

There were nights when he was on that ship along with his sister, heading to meet Daenerys, that he would scratch his face so badly that his sister ordered her men to put her bed in his room, and she would try to calm him down even though he knew she just didn't understand what was happening. He tried to stop himself from crying in the first nights, but as soon as she fell asleep he would bury his face on the mattress and cry himself to sleep. 

Yara would sometimes tell him that Ramsay wouldn't be able to get him, that he would never go back, that she would never let him touch him again. She thought that the problem was that he was scared of fall asleep and wake up back there again. So how could he explain to her that the problem was that everything inside of him was screaming,  _ begging _ for him to come back, to apologize, to take his punishment and never,  _ ever _ leave his master again?

Theon still remembered the night that Yara walked into his room in Daenerys fortress to tell him the news that had arrived from the North.

_ ''Theon!'' Yara banged on his door, making Theon jump on his bed, where he had been staring at the ceiling. _

_ ''Come in,'' Theon said, swinging his legs off of the bed and standing up only in his leather coat, his armour taken off since he had entered the room. _

_ Yara opened the door with a smug little smile that immediately set Theon on edge. Either something awful had just happened, or something great. It was hard to tell which was hard to tell with his sister. _

_ ''News arrived from the North, baby brother,'' Yara said, walking closer to Theon, putting a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly.  _

_ Theon's heart dropped. News. What news? This had to be about Ramsay, she wouldn't be so happy otherwise. He knew that Sansa had reunited with Jon, and also knew that they haven't left the North, but they wouldn't be dumb enough to go against the Bolton army, would they? _

_ ''News?'' Theon managed to say, his voice slightly breathless. Luckily, Yara didn't notice it, or she mistook it for a sign of joy. _

_ ''Sansa Stark and Jon Snow won the battle! They were losing, obviously, but word is that the Stark girl showed up in the middle of the battle with an army, they crushed them. The Boltons don't hold the North anym-....'' _

_ Yara kept talking, her excited voice filling the room, but no longer Theon's ears. Theon was staring straight ahead but he wasn' seeing anything. His chest was suddenly filled with great fear, it felt like his heart had been frozen and he had to take a deep breath in to be able to feel the air filling his lungs again. _

_ The Boltons didn't hold the North anymore? What did that mean? Ramsay lost the battle? Was he- _

_ ''Theon!'' Yara yelled, finally pulling Theon away from his thoughts. Her face was pulled into a mask of concern as she put a hand on his face. ''Are you listening to me, Theon? I said that the won. He doesn't have power anymore.'' _

_ Theon could feel his eyes watering, and when he spoke, he couldn't stop his voice from trembling. _

_ ''Is... Is he-'' Theon couldn't say the words, he couldn't. It felt surreal. This couldn't happen. Ramsay was so close to death and yet so, so far away. He was the one who brought death to others, but death would never get him. It couldn't, it was wrong. _

_ ''... No.'' Yara finally said, with a sigh. Theon sat down hard on the bed, letting out a whoosh of air he didn't even know he was holding. He could feel his heart starting to slow down and he felt the sudden urge to laugh. He was so _ **_ relieved. _ **

_ ''... ran away. But he won't be able to hide for long. And he certainly won't leave the North. Not with those Bolton eyes of his. Maybe they'll put his own dogs to hunt him.'' _

_ They almost smiled. His hounds would never hunt him. And even if they did, Ramsay knew how to hide. He would be fine. He would be alive. _

_ ''Thank you, Yara,'' Theon finally said as a single tear escaped his eyes, but this time it wasn't a sad tear. ''I think I'll try to sleep now.'' _

_ ''Yes, brother. Sleep. You'll be able to sleep now, won't you?'' _

_ ''Yes.'' Yes, he would. But not for the reason she thought. _

__ Theon opened his eyes and gasped, his body instinctively curling forwards. Every time he woke up from one of his flashbacks, it was like waking up thinking you were falling on an endless pit. He didn't know much time had passed, sometimes it was seconds, sometimes t was minutes. The dogs seemed to be more agitated now as if they were still waiting for someone. Theon sighed and glanced at the ceiling, resting his head against the wall once again. He still remembered how he had felt when he thought Ramsay was dead. It was one of the worst feelings he had ever felt his whole life. It wasn't like when he heard of Ned or even Robb.

You see, when he heard about Ned Stark's death, he felt hate. He wanted revenge from those who had dared to kill him. But when he was told of Robb's death, he himself felt like dying; he should have been there with him, should have died with him. He was his brother, his best friend - Theon loved him. And when he died, Theon didn't want to kill anyone, didn't want to avenge him. He only wished he had been there too, to die with him.

But that was the thing. He wanted Robb with him, but he didn't  _ need _ him there. Just like now, Theon would give anything to have him back, but only because he loved him. Because he wanted to apologize, he wanted to hug him, wanted to have him here.

But Ramsay? If Ramsay died- No. Theon couldn't even think about that. When he thought Ramsay had died, he was ready to kill himself right there and then. What would be without Ramsay? Who would he be? What would he do without the knowledge that Ramsay was out there, somewhere, waiting for him? Wanting him.

No one ever wanted him as Ramsay did. No one ever really saw him. Saw the ugly parts of him, and still wanted him. He forced those parts out of him, cleaned him and made him a new person. Ramsay was like the sea, cleaning him up, remaking him. 

Bran had said that he couldn't choose the people he loved. Did he love Ramsay, though? He needed him, that much was clear, even though Theon hated himself for it. But  _ love? _

__ How could he love someone who destroyed him, humiliated him and did awful things to him? Someone who didn't regret these things, that would do it again if given the chance? How could you love someone if you didn't trust them?

Ramsay didn't let him die, but Theon was sure that it was only because of his ridiculous possessiveness, that if someone would kill him, it would be him, no one else.

Ramsay didn't care about him. He didn't love him. He only wanted him, for reasons that Theon couldn't comprehend. But that was more than anyone had ever wanted, so why didn't just give in?

He would never be Ramsay's slave again. He would rather die than go back to being that. He had to thank his sister for unknowingly keeping him from coming back in the first few months because if he did, he would go back to being Reek. And that was something he would never be again.

He wasn't the same Theon as before, he wasn't the Theon that Sansa, Yara and Jon thought he was now. He knew that he was a fake version of the old him. But he wasn't all Reek either. He wasn't what Ramsay truly wanted him to be, and that was the only reason his mind kept screaming at him to go back to be Reek. Because he wanted to please Ramsay. Above all, he desperately wanted Ramsay to want him. Theon didn't realize he was crying until an ugly sob came out if his mouth, startling him. Why did he have to want him? Why he couldn't just be normal, for once? What would Sansa think of him if she knew what Theon truly wanted - who he truly wanted? She would be disgusted by him, the same way his father was, the same way his brothers were and the same way Lady Catelyn Stark always was. 

A sharp, loud noise echoed in the room, and Theon immediately leapt to his feet, squinting his eyes to try to see what was going on. Did one of the dogs jump at the gates? He had locked it, for sure. It was so dark that he couldn't see all the way down to the doors. Who would come here at such time?....

''Well, look who we have here, girls. Somebody found their way home.''

Theon's heart immediately began to speed up at the sound of his voice. He would recognize his voice anywhere.

Ramsay finally took another step forward and now Theon could see him illuminated by the moonlight that was entering the cold chamber by the small window high on the wall Theon was leaning against.

Ramsay was wearing his every-day clothes, only lacking his belt that supported his sword. But the small belt that held his leather vest had a small knife tucked in it. The only thing missing was his cloak, and that made Theon wonder what time it was for him to get out of his chambers without his cloak to protect him from the cold. It was still night, but the sun could be rising soon.

''What are you doing here?'' Ramsay asked, and from this angle, Theon could see the way the side of Ramsay's nose and a little patch of skin under his eye were still bruised. Not as much as Theon's cheekbone and stomach but still.

That made Theon think of the scratches he had left on Ramsay's chest. Would they still be there? Theon blushed as he looked down, not wanting to remember their fight and surely not wanting to remember the way Ramsay laughed and told him with a husk voice how he enjoyed that.

''I- I came to see the hounds...'' Theon said, trying to blend with the wall with how hard he was pressing back against it.

Ramsay narrowed his eyes and stood quiet for a moment, staring at Theon. His eyes moved to one side of Theon's face to the other, and then followed something... down his chin? 

Oh. Yes. He had been crying. In fact, there were still a few tears streaming down his face. Theon angrily wiped his face with the back of his hand, flinching when his knuckles brushed rather forcibly against the bruise on his face.

Ramsay only lifted one of his eyebrows at the scene as he seemed to be thinking about what to do with Theon. Well, Theon should probably get out of there before Ramsay made his decision.

''Well, I should-''

''You lied to Sansa.'' Ramsay interrupted him, leaning against one of the cage doors and absently carding his fingers through Red Jeyne's fur. He could almost look distracted like he was having a normal conversation, but the way his eyes were staring intently into Theon's own, and the way his gaze seemed to be weighting Theon down, told the truth - He was playing with Theon. Playing a game that only he knew the rules for.

''Wha... What?'' Theon asked, his leg bouncing nervously.

Ramsay gave a patient little smile that made Theon even more nervous.

''About our fight. You left clearly hurt, and she didn't come to me to bitch about it. You  _ didn't tell her.'' _

''I asked her not to talk to you about it,'' Theon said. He wasn't sure why he was lying, but it seemed to be the safer way out of this. Otherwise, he would have to explain why he lied to Sansa, and he didn't think he could do that.

Ramsay let out a small huff of a laugh, looking down for a second with a smile on his lips, but the second those eyes made contact with his again, his smile faded as fast as it had surged.

''Don't lie to me,'' Ramsay said, his posture straightening as he took a step closer to Theon.

Theon swallowed as he watched the man get closer.

''I- I didn't want her to be concerned!'' Theon said a little bit louder than necessary. Things were getting heavy, all he wanted to do was run and hide, but he couldn't stop staring into Ramsay's eyes, as if he were unable to move.

''Mhm... Better. But not quite the truth, is it?'' Ramsay said, narrowing his eyes again and pending his head to the side just a bit, a barely-there sarcastic smile on his lips.

Theon had begun to tremble, he lifted his hand to his hair, throwing it to the side a little in a nervous movement.

''What do you want?'' Theon whispered, finally looking down. What more could he want?

''I want you to admit it,'' Ramsay said simply, taking yet another step in his direction. Theon looked up at that, his green eyes wide and scared.

''Admit? Admit what?'' Theon asked, looking over at Ramsay's form. Anyone in his place would be terrified out of their minds. Why wasn't he more afraid?

Ramsay took the final step, finally standing right in front of the other man. Theon had his back against the wall and the corridor they were in was too narrow for Theon to try to run. 

''Admit that you didn't tell her about the fight, nor the previous encounters because you don't want her to tell me to stay away,'' Ramsay smiled as he continued, staring at Theon like he knew everything that was going through his mind. ''And most importantly- You don't want to have to explain it to her why  _ you  _ can't stay away.''

That felt like a punch straight to his face. How could Ramsay read him so easily? Theon opened and closed his mouth several times, not knowing what to say. Finally, he lowered his head, defeated.

''What do you  _ want  _ from me, Ramsay?'' Theon said, his shoulders slumping as he gave up. He couldn't lie to Ramsay, it was pointless.

''What I  _ want,''  _ Ramsay said, his voice finally demonstrating some impatience, ''Is what is mine.  _ You _ are  _ mine. Not hers. _ ''

Theon looked up at that, taken by surprise. Ramsay thought that-

''I'm not  _ hers. _ I serve her because I want to, because she is my Queen. I don't belong to her. Not like-''

''-Not like you do to me,'' Ramsay interrupted him, cradling closer to him, a smirk on his face.

''...Not like I  _ did _ with you,'' Theon said, feeling the rage begin to rise on his chest. Was that all Ramsay truly wanted from him? For him to go back to be that broken, stupid thing? ''I don't belong to you anymore, I'm not your slave. And I will never be your slave again. I'd rather die than go back to being that- that  _ thing _ '' 

The worst thing was that Theon's chest was burning and he knew that he would go back to cry any moment now. It  _ hurt  _ talking about himself like this. He used to  _ be _ that and remembering this was awful.

Ramsay's jaw clenched and Theon knew he had stricken a nerve. He just wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. In a moment Ramsay on him, his hand holding Theon's face tightly, forcing his lips to puff out.

''You can beat me up as much as you want-- I'm  _ not _ going back to being Reek, ever.'' Theon managed to say. And as though his words were brave, his whole body was trembling with fear. He  _ knew  _ what Ramsay could do.

Ramsay's face suddenly changed, his features no longer dominated by rage.

''You think this is all I want? That you go back to be Reek?'' Ramsay's grip on his face softened and Theon could lick his dry lips while Ramsay's eyes never left his. ''I  _ want _ you to be mine again. No matter what name you decide to use. And you will be. You already are, but I need to remind you of that, don't I?''

Theon swallowed as his breath hitched. This time, when he licked his lips, Ramsay's eyes followed the motion and he pressed his body closer to Theon's, hips to chest. Fear wasn't the only thing Theon was feeling now.

''I would have flayed anyone who dared to speak to me the way you've been speaking lately,'' Ramsay stated, his eyes returning to Theon's.

''You already flayed me,'' Theon said, surprised to hear the breathless voice that left his mouth. ''It has to get boring for you at some point.''

It was Ramsay's time to lick his lips as he closed his eyes for a moment, with a face that made Theon blush. What was he thinking about?

''Hearing you scream? It never gets boring, pet.'' Ramsay finally answered.

That  _ shouldn't _ sound so appealing. He was telling him that he liked to hear him  _ scream. _ And still, Theon felt a burning sensation low in his stomach at the words. He looked down for just a moment but he could still see the faint bulge in Ramsay's pants. How could he see that? It must be earlier than he thought.

_ What is he waiting for? _

__ That was the moment to either do something or try to getaway. Get away was surely the safest option. If he did anything, who knew if Ramsay would ever let him go again? If he actually did something, it would only prove Ramsay right, prove him that he wanted this, wanted to be his. And Theon was no fool, he knew that if Ramsay had the chance he would redo everything he ever did to Theon only to have his plaything back. So, getaway it was. Now all he had to do was push Ramsay away. His hand on his face wasn't so tight anymore, so he could surely push him away.

Theon was about to do it, but he made the mistake of looking into Ramsay's eyes again. His pupils were blown so wide that the ice-blue from his eyes was barely visible. And that look was just for  _ him. _

_ And I didn't do anything yet. _

__ It suddenly felt like everything he had been doing lately was to run, run,  _ run. _ He always backed away first, and for what? Only to end up in the very same situation? If Ramsay wanted to play, then hell, he would  _ play.  _ But this time, Ramsay wouldn't be the only one in control of their game.

Theon moved one of his hands to the back of Ramsay's head, carding his fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. Before Ramsay could react to it, Theon leaned his hips back just a little and then moved his leg to the side and then  _ up, _ right on the middle of Ramsay's legs.

Ramsay's reaction was instantaneous. He gasped, a sharp sound in the silence of the kennels now that the dogs were asleep. Theon didn't give up on the eye contact, even though his face was burning hot. He tightened his hand on Ramsay's hair as he once again rested his head on the wall behind him, exposing his neck and pulling Ramsay's face towards it. Ramsay went without resistance, burying his face on Theon's neck and the biting down  _ hard _ as Theon's leg moved again.

Theon let out a small whimper at the pain of it, and that seemed to stir Ramsay on even more as he moved his hips against Theon's leg. Ramsay's hands undid Theon's cloak and let it fall down to the floor. Theon moved his leg rhythmically with Ramsay's own movements, making the man pant against Theon's neck.

''C'mon...'' Theon swallowed as he pressed Ramsay's face against his neck.

''C'mon...  _ Oh, please'' _ Theon whispered, his voice broken. He wasn't getting much stimulation himself-- There was only way he could really get it, and he wasn't doing it  _ here _ , but the sounds Ramsay was making against his neck along with the kisses and - mostly - bites into his sensitive skin were doing  _ something. _

_ Also,  _ he knew Ramsay liked when people begged.

Ramsay growled against his throat as pushed his face away from his neck to look him in the eye, face centimetres away. His face was flushed a deep red, his eyes almost black and his mouth red and glistering. He grabbed the hem of Theon's shirt as he looked deep into his eyes, almost eating Theon alive with the look he was giving him. Theon didn't think straight when he leaned forward with his eyes closed.

  


He was leaning  _ too far _ , Ramsay was close, why didn't he- 

When he opened his eyes, he realized Ramsay had turned his face away, and he only had a few moments to consider it before Ramsay was gone entirely. Theon's whole body felt suddenly cold without Ramsay's heat on him.

''Don't you try to do this again.'' Ramsay said with a harsh tone and a disgusted face.  _ What!? _

__ Before Theon could think of an answer, Ramsay was out of the kennels in a sprint, leaving him leaning against the wall with his face flushed and his neck all marked up.

''... _ What _ ?''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this edit of mine a while back at tumblr and I finally got to use it!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ''IS THIS TRASH FIC STILL ALIVE?'' You all ask me  
>  ''Yes it fucking is'' I respond, right after finishing this chapter 4 AM, throwing it to you and going back into hiding.
> 
> Okay but for real now, I am SO SORRY for the unannouced hiatus. My mental helth went down-fucking-hill these past months and it got way worse before it got ''ok''. And by ok I mean I don't have to go to a psych ward to prevent myself from doing something stupid and irreversible. This chapter was hard to write by the end of it, you will understand why. But read the disclaimers at the beggining of it,please.  
>  My back and shoulders are killing me right now, so just letting you know that with all this shit going on, and because my president is a fucking moron (hey bolsonaro), 'm currently in a country where shit is getting real very fast, so I'm stuck a home. That means MORE CHAPTERS!  
>  I'm not gonna put a deadline bc that only makes me anxious, but this fic IS alive, and IS going to be finshed. I promise.  
>  That being said, let's get into the chapter. Remember this is thramsay, lovebirds. Love you all <3

>   * DISCLAIMER:
>   * Suicide idealization/Suicide attempt is heavy in this chapter. **Please don't read if this content is sensitive to you. Be safe out there, babies.**
>   * PTSD Flashbacks.
>   * Humiliation.
>   * Torture mentioned, but nothing graphic.
> 

> 
> * * *
> 
> Theon had stared after Ramsay for a few minutes, his mind was dizzy and he couldn't understand what had just happened. Did he misread things? Ramsay didn't want him? It couldn't be, Theon had _felt_ Ramsay's want, the way he gripped Theon tight, so tight that Theon was sure he had Ramsay shaped marks on _multiple_ parts of his body - Theon felt a shiver run down his spine at the mere thought- and the way he panted against his throat when he was rocking himself against Theon's leg.
> 
> So what was it? He moved away when Theon-
> 
> _ Oh shit. _
> 
> __ He moved away when Theon had tried to  _ kiss  _ him. Caught in the heat of the moment, Theon hadn't seen a problem, but thinking back to the  _ old days _ , Ramsay had never kissed him. Well, mainly because his mouth wasn't something  _ anyone  _ wanted to come near when he was in that state, but also... Ramsay had never kissed Sansa. Sure, quick kisses on her cheek or mouth when he wanted to play with her, or the atrocious bite marks he left all over her body to remind her who she belonged to - the same way he did to Theon himself sometimes, but not so often.
> 
> Now that he was really thinking about it, Ramsay never liked to kiss anyone. When he was with Myranda, the kisses were more like a competition to see who could hurt the other faster. To see who would bleed first. Theon knew this because the red, angry injuries in both of their mouths and also because there was one time that Ramsay made him watch while he fucked Myranda into a screaming mess. That was the first time Theon felt the sudden urge to pierce a knife into the back of Myranda's back. He remembered that when the mere thought crossed his mind, he pinched his forearm so fiercely that his skin bled. Even though Ramsay had his back turned to him -and he was  _ clearly  _ distracted with Myranda - some irrational part of him thought that Ramsay would sense were his thoughts had gone to and that he was going to be punished. He should never think that way about her. He was his master's precious little girl and he wasn't allowed to warm her in any way. __
> 
> Although back then he didn't understand the reason why he felt so uneasy watching that. Today, he knew exactly why but preferred to ignore that part of himself as he did so often. (But he wouldn't deny the pleasure he had in throwing that vicious bitch down that wooden platform)
> 
> So Ramsay didn't like to kiss. It wasn't the most strange thing about him, for  _ sure _ . But why did he had to back away so sharply, like he had been burned? If it were anyone else, Theon would be drowning in shame and self-deprecation, but Theon knew for a fact that Ramsay had wanted him. Or at the very least, he was not disgusted with him - of all the people, Ramsay was always the only one who had never looked at him with that disgusted- pitied look everyone else always gave him. Even Sansa, back then-. 
> 
> Theon sighed and when his eyes focused again, he realized that he could already see the front metal doors of the kneels without straining his eyes, which meant that it was already day. How long had they been in there? Ramsay left just a few moments ago. What if someone saw him leave?
> 
> _ He is the king, it's nobody business. Also, who would be stupid enough to gossip about Ramsay? _
> 
> __ With that thought in mind, Theon bent down to pick up his cloak and quickly put it around him, leaving right after locking the girls back into their cages. If he didn't, nobody would come in here to feed them later.
> 
> The cold wind made him shiver when he stepped outside, but now there was also the faint warmth of the sun, even if it wasn't much, it was a pleasant change from the cold nights. Theon marched back into the castle, ignoring the looks some of the servants gave him when he passed. Some of them were here when Theon was Ramsay Bolton's pet and most of these servants despised him. And now he walked among these corridors as the Queen's knight. As Theon passed the old lady who would always scream him away from the kitchen in the early times when he still tried to eat the leftovers after Ramsay had gone to his chambers, he made a show of smirking at her and  _ not _ help her with the heavy bucket of water she was carrying. He could allow himself to be a little smug sometimes.
> 
> He entered his room and quickly removed his sleeping clothes and fetched his day ones. His normal and soft grey shirt he used on the Iron Islands after he escaped Winterfell. It reminded him of the day his sister brought it to him and he finally left his worn-out eek clothes behind. Yara made a show of burning it, thinking it would be a cleansing moment, but in reality, Theon had felt guilty about it before reprimanding himself. His master had been kind enough to give those to him so that he would be bare in the cold nights of the North and now he was burning them. If Theon had voiced his worries to Yara, she would certainly slap him in the face. Or maybe look at him with that concerned look that he couldn't bear to be looked at. So he kept his distress to himself. As always. 
> 
> Theon put his clothes on as quick as possible. Even though he didn't have a mirror in his quartes - He had thrown it away the moment he was given his old room back-. When he was foolish and young, he would spend minutes looking at his reflection and admiring it. Now, he couldn't even take his clothes off for more than absolutely necessary without cringing in disgust. Even though he had gained muscles and even a little more of body mass than before he was Reek, the scars that were all over his body would never go away. And the scarred thing between his legs would never be his manhood again.
> 
> Grabbing his belt and fastening it around his waist, Theon left the room, attaching his sword in its place as he walked down the corridors to Sansa's room. He arrived at her door and turned his back to it, standing to the side waiting for her to come out. He didn't  _ have  _ to escort her to the main hall every morning, but he made a habit of it, even though one of the other guards could easily do it. It comforted him to have a routine. A  _ task.  _ And he came to realize that she fancied it too.
> 
> Lost in his mind, he almost didn't hear the door opening, but the second he heard the sound, he turned around and took a step back, bowing to her as she left her room.
> 
> Theon heard her exasperated little sigh as she said
> 
> ''Theon, I already told you this isn't necessary.''
> 
> Theon straightened himself and caught the smile that was gracing Sansa's lips as she gazed at him. Her eyes seemed to shine, and he didn't understand why anyone would have such a reaction to his presence. Nevertheless, he smiled back shyly, offering his arm for her to take.
> 
> ''Good Morning, Your Grace,'' Theon replied, his smile widening a little as she rolled her eyes. These moments, with him, were the only ones where she allowed herself to be this childish.
> 
> '' _ Sansa _ ,'' She replied, taking his arm and begging to walk alongside him, her head held high as they passed a few guards and maids, all of them bowing as she passed. ''You know you don't have to call me that unless we are at the presence of the  _ Nobles _ .''
> 
> Theon definitely didn't miss the resentful way she referred to her Lords. Not that he could blame her.
> 
> As they approached the Hall, a ray of sunlight entered the corridor and her light auburn hair seemed to glow in the daylight where it was loosely displayed down her back. Theon also noticed that she was wearing one of the new dresses she had requested. It was of deep black tissue, with long sleeves that got larger as they went down her forearms. The inner parts of her sleeves, as well as the corset of the dress and the middle of the skirt, were of beautiful turquoise colour with white details that looked like a snowfall. On top of the dress, across her shoulders, rested a black fur that made her look taller and more imposing.
> 
> Theon felt a wave of pride and tenderness, thinking about the insufferable teenager she had been - Not that  _ he  _ could point any fingers -, to this beautiful, strong and powerful woman-  _ queen-  _ she had become.
> 
> ''You look beautiful, Sansa,'' Theon said with a soft voice as they reached the doors. He was about to pull them open when he noticed the way Sansa had stopped in her tracks. He was about to ask her if there was something wrong when the caught sight of her expression.
> 
> Sansa's face was difficult to read, but a beautiful flush had spread across her skin, looking even redder because of the light colour of her skin. He mouth has partially open as if she was about to say something but lost track of it. The hand on his arm had tightened.
> 
> Theon met her eyes and felt a wave of confusion pass through him. Why was she looking at him like that? Had he said something wrong? They were closer than they had been before, when did  _ that _ happen?
> 
> ''Theon...'' Sansa began saying, her eyes dropping down his face and quickly coming back to his eyes so fast that he wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't so  _ close _ to her.  _ Why were they so close? _
> 
> __ He was about to step back and ask if she was feeling alright when something else interrupted him.
> 
> '' _Good_ Morning,'' A voice said close to his ear.  _ Way too close. _
> 
> Sansa immediately took a step back and her face dropped as she looked behind Theon's shoulder to whom had interrupted them. Of course, Theon didn't have to look to know who it was. He didn't think he ould ever mistake the drawl of his voice, and even if it wasn't that, he couldn't mistake the way Ramsay's hand possessively touched his lower back and made him step aside from Sansa as his shoulder almost hit the door.
> 
> Ramsay put himself in the middle of them, and the way his face lighted up and his smile spread across his face, Theon almost could think he was wrong about the irritated tone he thought he heard in his voice. 
> 
> _Almost_ , the keyword. Ramsay's eyes briefly landed on his, and he could smile all he wanted. Theon knew that possessive look like nothing else.
> 
> Theon felt his face heat up and he just knew he must be blushing like a virgin girl. He subconsciously closed his mouth.  _ When he had opened it? _
> 
> __ ''Did I interrupted something?'' Ramsay asked in a light tone, offering his arm for Sansa to take, smiling at her.
> 
> '' _Yes-''_ Sansa said.
> 
> _''-No''_ Theon murmured at the same time.  
> 
> 
> Theon looked at Sansa and caught a glimpse of her giving him a puzzled look before looking down at Ramsay's arm and sneering in disgust.
> 
> Ramsay shrugged and looked back at Theon, raising his eyebrows. Then shook himself of his stupor and opened the doors to the Main Hall, stepping aside to let his Queen and King pass before him. 
> 
> Everyone who was eating got up and bowed as they passed. Both of them climbed the small stairs to sit at the long table that was only occupied by them after the guests left Winterfell. Theon sat down at one of the tables closest to them, even though there were two guards already behind the table.
> 
> As Sansa and Ramsay sat down, everyone else did too, and Theon observed how far away their chairs were. Behind them, there was Stark and Bolton banner, high in the ceiling. The wolf and the flayed man hung in the air, and Theon imagined what Sansa must feel looking at that blue and red banner, one she had once managed to tear down f her walls, only to be once again hovering right behind her.
> 
> As a servant brought Theon his food, he ate in silence, no one at his table even looking at him. He wished he could say it didn't bother him, mas at least he was already used to it.
> 
> He stole glances at Ramsay from time to time, unable to stop himself. A loud commotion at the doors stole Theon's attention and he tensed immediately when he saw who had arrived. Damon and Skinner walked into the room, Damon at the front with an easy smile on his face as his blonde hair fell into his face and with a delicate movement, he swept it off of his face. Some of the girls sighed when he passed, and even a few brave ones - or foolish, in Theon's opinion-, dared to smile at him. Theon hoped his attention would be diverted from him by one of the girls sitting at the back of the room, but as he sank in the bench, he realized he had no such luck. Damon's blue eyes were staring right into his and he was coming in his direction. 
> 
> Theon made to get up, but the blond man was faster, and he hopped into the bench, right beside him. Skinner gave him an unimpressed stare and sat at Damon's side, completely ignoring Theon. Damon winked at the maidservant who brought him his food and then turned his body halfways so that he was facing Theon.
> 
> ''We didn't get a chance to speak since the battle, did we?'' Damon shoved the bread into his mouth and chewed on it, opening his mouth to speak to him while still chewing. For all of his looks, his manners were as poor as ever. ''I believe a ''thank you'' is in order, isn't it?''
> 
> Theon took a deep breath as he finally turned his head to acknowledge the man sitting beside him. Damon smiled at him and it made the tiny scar that crossed his mouth an ended on his chin more apparent. He didn't need to be afraid, he told himself. If Ramsay couldn't hurt him, they couldn't either. Sansa would have their heads at worst and have them expelled from Winterfell at best.  _ He didn't need to be afraid. _
> 
> __
> 
> But Ramsay did hurt him, didn't he? The bruises on his face were healed, but the memory of how he got them was still fresh in his head.
> 
> _ But if you told Sansa, he would never dare to lay a hand on you again. _
> 
> __
> 
> All he had to do was tell her. Just  _ tell  _ her what was happening. Then glanced at Ramsay and Sansa for a second, and saw them engrossed in a conversation with the meister. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to tell her about Ramsay. 
> 
> Not after this morning. She would be disgusted with him, and he couldn't handle to have her looking at him like that ever again. 
> 
> But if Damon tried anything, Theon could tell her. He would. Ramsay wouldn't risk his position for Damon, he wouldn't try to intervene. With that thought in mind, Theon said:
> 
> ''I should thank you because you followed your orders?'' Theon  _ snorted.  _ How long he hadn't done that? ''I think you like praise  _ way too much. _ If that's the case, I hear King Ramsay likes to give them to his  _ servants.'' _
> 
> __ Damon's face didn't show any kind of reaction, but Skinner did look at him at that, and Theon could see the way Damon's hand tightened on his cup of water. Then Damon smiled without any trace of humour, and his hand was abruptly placed on Theon's thigh, squeezing hard enough to cause discomfort. Although even if he only brushed Theon's leg, he would still feel uncomfortable.
> 
> ''I see someone grew some balls on his time away,'' Damon snickered and his squeeze grew tighter and his hand crept up just a bit. Theon twitched in his seat. ''Well, metaphorically, of course. I don't think there's nothing there to grow, is there?''
> 
> Theon felt his heart race and his throat close up. Damon's hand crept up a bit further and suddenly he couldn't  _ breathe. _ Heavy, deep breaths escaped his mouth and he still felt like he couldn't get enough air. And then he made the mistake of closing his eyes.
> 
> It was supposed to be for just a second. Just a moment without seeing Damon's awful smirk right in front of his face. Just a tiny little second so that he could get his hands  _ off of him _ and then he would get up and leave. Get away from Damon's dirty hands, awful breath and the terrible, painful memories associated with him.
> 
> And then he wasn't in the room anymore. Or rather, he was in the room, he was on the floor, he could  _ feel _ the physical ache of his bony knees on the hard floor.
> 
> * * *
> 
> _ ''Well? Don't you want a little sip? Come on now, dog. Your master isn't here, he wouldn't mind.'' _
> 
> __
> 
> _ Reek tried to make himself even smaller than he already was where he was kneeling at the end of the table, almost under it. Usually, Ramsay would be there in the room, and no one would pay attention to him. If he was good during the whole dinner, his master might give him some leftover bones from his plate. But he couldn't hope for that, because if he did, his master would sense it, he would! And then greedy little Reek wouldn't get anything. _
> 
> _ Suddenly a boot connected to his chin and made him fall back against the wall behind him with a pained whine as he brought his ruined hands to cover his face as he trembled on the ground. _
> 
> _ ''Don't fucking ignore me, come here  _ **_ now. _ ** _ Or should I tell Ramsay that you've been a very bad dog when he gets back?'' _
> 
> _ A sound that sounded more like a dog cry than a human's left Reek's throat as he spared one last glance at the door where his master had left a few minutes ago. Or was it hours? He couldn't tell. Reek crawled to where Damon, one of Ramsay's closest man was sitting on the bench. Each of his legs to one side of the bench, so that one was under the table, and the other was right in front of Reek as he stopped in front of it, looking up behind the tears forming in his eyes. _
> 
> _ Damon grabbed a cup of water and held it a little above his knee, smiling down at him. He tilted the cup just so that Reek could see that in fact, there was water in there. A little sound formed at the back of his very dry throat as he eyed it. He half expected it to be piss or something worse. _
> 
> _ ''Well then. Get up on your knees and drink it. You won't make me lower my arm down, will you?'' Damon said, and Reek felt all of the eyes of the table on him. A few people that weren't in Damon's group tried to be subtle about it, but he could feel all of their eyes on him. _
> 
> _ He couldn't care less right now. The only eyes that mattered were of his master and he wasn't here right now. A sudden wave of panic hit Reek at the thought.  _
> 
> _ Master wasn't here, he shouldn't be doing this, he shouldn't be interacting with them, with anyone. He only had one tas, one simple task! Stay down, stay put until his master returned. Don't talk to anyone, don't touch anyone. Don't let them touch you. He was a bad dog, a very very bad dog and he would be punished. He didn't want to lose anything else. What if his master decided to take one of his eyes so that he would only look at him. Why would a bad dog need two eyes? _
> 
> _ ''I'm sorry, 'm sorry master, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, 'm...'' _
> 
> _ The same boot kicked him again in the chest, but not hard enough to make him fall back, only so that he would look up again and get back on reality. _
> 
> _ ''Fucking useless piece of shit,'' One of the men said. Was that Skinner? Theon didn't have time to find out because Damon spoke up again. _
> 
> _ ''Come on now, Reek,'' He said with a soft voice. Softer than he ever spoke to him before. Reek stared at him and he relaxed. Damon was his Master's man. Surely he must have spoken to him before doing this. Maybe his master was going to be the one doing this, but his father had called him to his chambers, so he told Damon to do this. His master was giving him a treat. Maybe he wasn't such a bad dog after all. _
> 
> _ Damon smiled at him encouragingly, his eyes warm as Reek rose on his trembling knees. He wasn't so bad after all, he just had to be good. Good Reek, loyal Reek. And then good things like this would be given to him. _
> 
> _ As he was leaning towards the cup, he could almost feel the blessedly cool caress of the water on his dry tongue. His lips were almost touching the rim of the cup now, and the cup was still there. A warm feeling wedged itself into Reek's chest as his lips finally-- _
> 
> _ The water fell out of his reach as Damon turned the cup down, all of its contents falling into his pants, wetting the inside of his thighs and his crotch.  _
> 
> _ Laughter erupted into the room, every man on the table opening their mouths and spitting wine at the look on Reek's face. Reek stayed there, staring at the water that was now soaking Damon's pants. It would dry out eventually and he wouldn't feel the taste of it. He didn't remember if water had a taste, but it was so alluring to him, and the way the dogs at the kennels drank it, it surely must feel good. A sob escaped Reek's mouth as his breathing got erratic from trying to suppress a full-on crying episode. Master hated those. _
> 
> _ But Damon wasn't done. _
> 
> _ ''Go on, dog. Lick it up. You may get some of it if you're fast enough.'' _
> 
> _ The room fell silent at that, everyone expecting to see what he would do. Reek took one look at the still damp pants right there under his nose and he didn't have to think twice. Usually, he could mute his thirst. Try to focus on other things. but now, his stomach clenched painfully and his dry mouth felt like it was full of sand and the remains of the water were just  _ **_ right there. _ **
> 
> _ Reek bent down and put his tongue on Damon's thigh, licking it as much as he could, but it wasn't proving to be sufficient. But he could feel the damp of the fabric, he just had to-- _
> 
> _ He heard seemingly from far away as someone sucked in their breath as Theon sucked on the fabric, now very close to Damon's crotch. But he couldn't care about that because his mouth filled with a little bit of liquid, and it was the best thing that had happened to him for a long time. His hands came up and grasped Damon's leg as he licked and sucked the fabric of his pants. _
> 
> _ A loud, irritating noise started in the room. People laughing, fists banging into the tables as the men couldn't compose themselves. Reek continued with it until he felt a hand on the back of his head pull tightly at his hair and force his head back. Damon looked down at him with a strange look on his face as he took in the sight of Reek's red, wet lips, spit running down his chin, face flushed and tears falling from his eyes at the pure humiliation. _
> 
> _ And then he said  _
> 
> _ ''Look at this greedy little whore. Looks like he wants to drink something else tonight, 'Am I right, boys?" _
> 
> _ Reek whimpered at the resounding laughs and disgusted murmurs and tried to hide his face in his hands, but before he could, he doors to the room opened and the whole room fell silent. _
> 
> _ Reek didn't have to look back to know who it was. He felt Damon's hand grip his hair a little bit harder, but he didn't let go. He would be stupid to do so, now that Ramsay had already walked in. _
> 
> _ The sound of Ramsay's boots on the floor sounded way too loud in the deadly silent room. With his head pulled back, Reek saw the way Ramsay looked at him when he stopped right beside him. He felt his master's eyes examine his face and then look at Damon's hand on his hair. And then his eyes travelled to Damon's lap, and Reek couldn't take it anymore, he closed his eyes as Damon's hand dropped from his head and he began to explain the joke to Ramsay in his usual jovial manner, but the way no one in the room joined in to laugh anymore, spoke volumes. _
> 
> _ The next day, Damon appeared with a black eye, and a cut that started on his upper lip and ended on his chin. Everyone ignored Reeks screams and pleas that came from the dungeons that night, except Sansa that dared to ask who was screaming later when Ramsay came to her chambers. That was the last time Reek went to the dungeons, as he swore to be obedient to his master. And obedient he was, and in return, Ramsay never punished him again, until his escape. And it was also the last time Sansa asked about Reek to Ramsay until her escape. _
> 
> * * *
> 
> __
> 
> Theon closed his eyes  _ \- When had he opened them?-  _ and when he opened them, Damon wasn't touching him anymore, instead he had distanced himself from him, and was staring at him with furrowed brows and like he had grown a second head.
> 
> Theon soon found out why, as he realized that he was breathing heavier than normal, his face was  _ soaked _ in tears and snot, his chest and throat ached like he had been crying hard, although he had no memory of it. When he brought his hands to his face to wipe the tears and snot away, he jerked as his ungloved hand touched sore spots on his face. He lightly followed the soreness that initiated on his cheek and went down to his jaw and throat. He had taken off his gloves and scratched his face raw. He was sure that if he looked in the mirror, he would find three identical red angry lines running down his face. 
> 
> Lost in his thoughts as he was, he missed the way the room had filled almost completely out, and the few people remaining were avoiding looking at them and slowly filling out of the room.
> 
> ''...-you alright?'' A concerned voice asked him, a hand landing on his shoulder. Theon twitched and leapt from the bench, backing out a few steps until he recognized Sansa standing in front of him.
> 
> ''Wha-... What happened...?'' Theon asked with a small, hoarse voice as he immediately looked around for Ramsay, and found him still sitting on the high table, the meister by his side, looking at him with concern and pity. Theon instantly looked at Ramsay, who had his jaw clenched and a white-knuckled grip on his cup of water--  _ Cup of water. _
> 
> __ Awareness hit Theon like a horse, and he swallowed through an empty throat. He had had another one of his  _ episodes. _
> 
> '' _ Oh, Gods _ ...'' Theon whispered as Sansa explained to him that he had suddenly started to stare at nothing and then shaking, crying and babbling nonsense. 
> 
> ''....Theon? Theon?'' Sansa called and Theon's eyes snapped back into focus. ''Do you need to see the meister? Have you been sleeping?''
> 
> Then shook his head, unsure of to what.
> 
> ''Did something happen? Did...'' Sansa's eyes landed on Damon, that for his credit, didn't even flinch with the coldness of her stare. ''Did  _ someone _ do anything to you?''
> 
> Theon looked at Ramsay and caught him averting his gaze from Damon back to him, his face twitching. When he locked eyes with Theon, he rose an eyebrow.
> 
> ''... _ No _ , no I just- I haven't been sleeping, I should-... I'll go to my chambers for a moment if that is alright with you, Your Grace.''
> 
> Sansa's face softened and she nodded, a sad look on her face. She took half a step forward, but Theon backed away from her and before he could see the look of hurt that was surely on her face, he turned away and almost ran out of the room.
> 
> As he sprang through the halls, people stared at him like he was insane. He tried not to listen to the whispers that were already spreading about him. Of course, they would think he was insane. Hell, maybe he was.
> 
> Gods, what was  _ happening to him?! _ Why, why did this have to keep happening, why couldn't he get a day's rest. Theon's vision was blurred but he wasn't inside of the castle anymore. He found himself walking through the snow and when he looked up, he was in the Godswoods, the red leaves spread across the white snow, and making a beautiful view on the white branches of the big tree.
> 
> Theon slumped to the ground, his back against the tree's rough surface. He let his head fall back against it too and took a deep, calming breath against the chill of the air.
> 
> When he opened his eyes, a wave of nostalgia hit him hard, making him gasp against the sudden feeling on his chest. As he looked around, for the first time since he came back, he didn't remember of his times as Ramsay's captive. Instead, looking at the snow and the red leaves scattered across the ground, a far more painful yet comforting memory came back to him. But this time, he didn't relive it, instead, the memories only flooded his mind, and he looked around, letting himself remember of a past that seemed to be of another life.
> 
> He and Robb, sneaking away from the castle to come here, strip off their clothes and swim in the nearly frozen little lake. Back then, the floor was covered in green grass and the sun was a little warmer than now. Catelyn always scowled at him when he and Robb came back dripping wet, but Theon had a suspicion that Ned stopped her from going after them each time. 
> 
> One day Arya went after them, and then instead of swimming, Theon taught Arya archery while Robb sat down under the tree and teased them. Eventually, Jon joined them, and even though he and Jon bickered most of the time, these were the best moments. Moments when he felt like he was a part of the family, even if just for a little while.
> 
> Rickion was still a baby, and Bran always preferred to climb through Winterfell on his own, but one memorable day, Sansa joined them and Theon smiled as the memory of him and Arya throwing Sansa's doll back and forth, making the red-haired girl run after them, her hair flowing behind her and her skirts making it difficult for her to keep up with them. It was mid-afternoon, the sun was still shining, but the whole place was lightened in a golden colour, and Theon felt warmer than ever as Robb and Jon were sparing while he teased Sansa and made Arya laugh, while Sansa ran after them, her angry cries echoing through the trees until Jon rolled his eyes and snatched the doll from Arya's hands and handed it to Sansa.
> 
> Even though they've all been there, Theon always considered it his and Robb's place. And when everyone but them stopped going there, they would sit on the grass under the sunlight and talk for hours. About their future, about the pretty older girl they were both trying to seduce, and about Theon's brothers and memories of home on one occasion when they managed to snatch a bottle of wine from the kitchens. That day, Robb hugged him tight and it was the first time Theon cried in front of anyone there since the day he arrived. It was also the last time he and Robb talked about it. Then the got a little bit older and Theon started being more of a prick than he already was, and Robb started to become more and more prideful. 
> 
> And then the war came. 
> 
> _ And everything fell apart. _
> 
> The wind blew against Theon's cheeks as if it were trying to dry the hot tears escaping from his eyes. Even though the memories stang, there was a smile on Theon's face as he sat right were Robb used to sit when he and Arya were practising. 
> 
> Theon placed his bare hand in the snow and looked up, at the red leaves dancing gently to the wind, and beyond it, to the grey sky.
> 
> '' _ I'm sorry, Robb. _ '' Theon whispered, more tears falling from his eyes. ''I should have been with you. I should have died with you.'' A small sob escaped Theon's throat and his hand sank into the snow, grabbing a fistful of it and feeling his hand going numb. 
> 
> ''I don't know what's wrong with me,'' Theon continued, his whisper being drowned by the wind. ''I wish I could stop-.... I wish I could just-'' Theon was interrupted by yet another round of sobs that hurt his chest.
> 
> ''I  _ hate  _ myself for it, Robb. I wish you were here to punch me in the face and snap me out of it. But I- I can't help it, Robb...'' Theon brought his knees up to his chest, bracing his elbow on his knee and placing his head in the hand that wasn't buried in the snow. He shook his head, trying to swallow his cries like his father used to tell him.
> 
> ''He's in my head, he is  _ inside of me.  _ It's like I can't get rid of him, not ever. And when I am with him, it just-... It all goes away, and I  _ hate it. _ I wish I was repelled by it, I wish I could  _ want  _ to get away from here, to go to my sister.'' Theon grabbed a fistful of his hair and tugged at it, tugged until it hurt and then he gripped harder.
> 
> ''I deserved everything he did to me, Robb. I still do. How can I-...  _ How _ can I want to be with him?  _ He is a monster _ ,  _ he deserves to die...  _ Maybe- Maybe I am too. Maybe I deserve it too...''
> 
> Theon looked up once again, his breath coming in short pants, his chest heaving. He lowered his hand and took out the small pocket knife he kept it in his belt. Easier than the sword.
> 
> He took out the hand that has buried in the snow and looked at it. It was red and numb. Numb all the way to his wrist. He brought the knife to his wrist and the wind seemed to get stronger. It burned Theon's eyes, but he couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel anything anymore.
> 
> ''Please don't hate me, Robb,'' Theon sobbed, the blade pressing into his numb wrist. ''I know it's selfish, but I can't take it. Sansa would hate me if she knew. She would want me gone,  _ she would want me dead.  _ She will be alright, she has guards, Jon can come back...'' The blade trembled against his wrist with the force of his weepings, and it dug deeper, though Theon could barely feel it. Just a little longer, just a little deeper- 
> 
> ''She  _ doesn't need me  _ anymore, Robb. I should have died in the battle. I- I should have died before I could  _ ever  _ be sick enough to lo- To be  _ capable of lovin _ -''
> 
> Theon was in interrupted when a heavyweight kicked his hand, the blade cutting but falling away from his grasp. Before he could try to understand what was going on, his face was gripped hard and lifted up, and his injured arm was picked up.
> 
> Ramsay knelt besides Theon, holding his face with one hand, his four fingers in one side of his face, and his thumb in the other, forcing Theon's face into a pout. His other hand grabbed Theon's forearm and inspected the cut on his wrist. 
> 
> Bleeding, enough to scar, but not enough to cause any severe blood loss. Once that was clear, Ramsay turned to look at Theon, who looked up at him like he was seeing a god. Or perhaps his worst nightmare, Ramsay couldn't tell.
> 
> '' _ What the fuck do you think you are doing!?''  _ Ramsay yelled, his hand tightening on Theon's face. His heart was racing with adrenaline. How  _ dare _ him to try to do this, right after Ramsay saved his life.  _ How dare _ he make this decision without his knowledge? 
> 
> When Ramsay arrived at the Godswood, he rolled his eyes at Theon's weeping, trembling mess. but felt a possessive feeling surge through him. Was he crying because of Damon? Damon said he had only teased him, but could he have lied? Did he  _ touch his propriety? _
> 
> Well, he would have to fix him  _ again _ , but then he would grow closer to bring his pet back. Ultimately, Damon would have done him a favour, but his pet calling himself Theon or not, he was still  _ his _ and  _ no one _ touched him or  _ did  _ anything to him without his consent.
> 
> But as he grew closer, he could faintly hear the mess of a man whispering to himself, and before he could try to understand what he was saying of if he had finally lost his excuse for a mind, he saw the  _ fucking _ blade.
> 
> The wind blew against his face, seemingly pushing him towards Theon, even though the wind wasn't half as strong when he was outside of the woods. 
> 
> '' _ Answer  _ me!'' Ramsay yelled again, shaking Theon's head, making him come back to himself.
> 
> Theon stared up a Ramsay for a moment. He was kneeling over him, holding him down, the red leaves waving behind him making a vibrant contrast with the blue-ice of his eyes. His black hair was darker against his face and their white surroundings. His eyes were wide, brows furrowed and cheeks and the tip of his nose slightly red from the cold, or possibly from his anger. He looked like an evil, beautifully evil god, punishing him over and over again, but never letting him go. Theon wondered if he had already died and this was his eternal trial. 
> 
> ''Sto-  _ Stop-...''  _ Theon tried to say but choked on a sob.
> 
> ''Stop  _ what _ !?'' Ramsay replied, shaking his head. Did he actually lose his mind? Reek was one thing, but this... This was something else entirely. His was an empty shell of a man, broken beyond repair. Had he pushed too far? Had he finally broken him forever?
> 
> While Theon was trying to form a sentence, Ramsay feared. He didn't like this feeling, he could count on one hand how many times he had truly feared anything in his life. Bur right now, looking at this infuriating, miserable, traitor being, he feared that he would lose him again. This time, for good. This time, with nothing he could do to bring him back to him. What was the fun in having so broken that it didn't even recognize him? Was it worth it trying to bring Reek back if he could lose both of them in the process?
> 
> '' _ Stop saving me-...''  _ Theon broke into a set of hiccups, and Ramsay felt  _ something _ inside of him that he didn't like. Nevertheless, he took off one of his gloves and put it in Theon's freezing hand. He then proceeded to tear a piece of Theon's cloak off with his knife and wrapping it up around his wrist. Then, he took off his cloak with heavy furs and wrapped it around the cowered shoulders of the man in front of him. Theon didn't react to any of it, seemingly numb to the world.
> 
> Ramsay stared at him. He could kill him. Finish what he had started on his own, and then leave him here for someone to find. Hopefully Sansa. He had betrayed him, killed Myranda, taken his wife from him and almost making him lose everything. 
> 
> This wasn't Reek anymore, it wasn't his beloved pet. Why couldn't he just  _ kill the bastard son of a whore? _
> 
> He had everything he ever wanted. He was a fucking King. He didn't need this excuse of a man. He didn't need him anymore. He could have anyone, could even make a new Reek. He's done it before, why not do it again?
> 
> __
> 
> _ stop saving me. _
> 
> __
> 
> Why did he continue to save him? He could-  _ should-  _ just let him here to freeze to death. Ramsay narrowed his eyes at the creature in front of him. His curly brown hair falling into his face, his beard not growing more than it always was. His green eyes, unfocused. From this close, he could count the freckles on his face. Ramsay had the knife in his hand. He killed his father, his step-mother and newborn brother without a second thought and never lost nights sleep for it. He could do this.
> 
> Theon's eyes focused again, and he found himself enveloped in warm fur, one of his hands gloved, and his wrist bandaged with a piece of his cloak. Theon looked up and found Ramsay staring at him ina strained manner like he was trying to make a hard decision. Theon swallowed and  _ finally _ could breathe again. Ramsay saved him. Again.
> 
> _What was he thinking!?_ He was going to leave Sansa alone in here? What if she was the one to find him? He couldn't do this, couldn't be so selfish. But he had time fo self-loathing later. Right now, he was exhausted. And warm. Ramsay made a movement with his arm, but Theon dropped his head into the man's chest and took a deep breath.
> 
> ''What are you doing to me?'' Theon asked, miserable. He grabbed the ends of the cloak Ramsay had dropped over him and embraced himself with it, trying to disappear inside of it. He felt Ramsay tense under him, his whole body rigid. Then, he let out an angry sigh and his arm moved to place something on his belt before he wrapped his arms around Theon and got up, turning around and walking out of the Godswood.
> 
> By the time Ramsay responded to him, Theon had fallen into an exhausted sleep.
> 
> ''What are  _ you  _ doing to _ me?'' _
> 
> * * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay that was rough. Sorry Theon, I promise It'll get better.  
>  I know theres not much interaction between them in this chapter, but I wanted to focus a little on how Theon is really doing, and feeling. Sorry for the feels in the Godswood. It was needed.  
>  So, what do you think? Constructive criticism is always welcome. Your comments give me LIFE.  
>  Until next time <3

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked the first chapter. More coming in soon :)  
>  Please tell me what you think.


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